So today I am writing from the Polaris mall. Second day in a row that something has happened with my alarm. Seriously, Dad, what's up with that?
I still can't find what I'm looking for at the Holy Land (Barnes and Noble...don't ask) but I found a ton of stuff at Lifeway, and got another punch! There were two things at Lexie's that I saw that I was interested in -- one of her little devotional books and her Tenth Avenue North CD, which I kept trying to listen to but it kept skipping. I found both there today, which made me happy because I couldn't find either of them at the LIfeway at Pataskala. Reading is going good, by the way. Stardust Rider, 2, SDP, 0. :)
I haven't been able to get Fairhaven off of my mind. I can't tell if it's just because I hadn't been in the company of so many believers in AGES or what the deal was. Shuu said something once upon a time about me wanting my career to be a student. I rolled my eyes at that, but I think in some way or another he has a point. I love what I did at Navs -- although there does need to be a fine balance between giving all of myself all the time and keeping myself sane, and I need to be more honest with people and actually live a good life. I want my career to be impacting people for God, no matter if that is through writing or music or through teaching them about Jesus. And I am sick of my own faith being compromised. When I spoke to God about this, he said that it was time for me to look beyond 'my current job.' (Dylan, please edit your last comment?) We've been through this before -- I really don't hate my job. What I dislike is often outweighed by the wonderful people I work with. And I know that work -- even life -- is not about me being happy. I am fully prepared to suffer in this life. That's not my issue. My issue now is that it's not where God wants me anymore, and I better strap wings on my feet. Even if I'm just flying two hours to the west.
When I think of Dayton, I think of late nights. I think of Channel 945, of driving through 35 on my way to Beavercreek, of the skies of Dayton at night. I think of Skyline, and of the corner where I used to sit and write my thesis. I think of Sinclair and Wright State, of skipping school to try out for Cedar Point, of Fairfield Commons, of sunny skies and beauty and snow and ice cream and cats and no air conditioning. Of Jesse and Vivian, of Len and Annie. I think of rebellion, of being comfortable with someone who would never leave. Of being so close to God and yet so far away. It was like letting God sit in the backseat of the car while I drove. (Bad life decision.) Granted, just because I left Beavercreek doesn't mean that God riding in the back seat stopped. It just changed -- I think for a while, I threw Him in the trunk. Great, right?
This entry may make you think that I'm seriously considering moving to Dayton. I don't know what God wants anymore, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of Ohio, the weather, and the pain. Rational, worldly Emily says get-the-heck-out-of-Ohio. If He moves me to Dayton, though, I know He has the good sense to move me nowhere near Beavercreek. Yes, I miss those days. And there is more than one reason for me to move back to the Dayton area. If God directs me to do so, I know exactly what -- rather, who -- it would be for. Because we don't live forever.
If I did live in Dayton, I'd live on the south side. I've never lived on the south side of someplace -- MET quad does NOT count. Dublin is on the northwest side of Columbus, Hilliard's on the west side. Fishers is so painfully north of Indy that it's funny. (On a similar note, I've ALWAYS wanted to move back to Indy, but I think God -- painfully -- needs me to move on from that experience.) North Zanesville isn't its own village -- though South Zanesville is -- but it's referred to on the map as such. And the townhouses in Oxford were behind Kroger, basically on the west side again. All of Oxford is on the 'north' side of Cincinnati, and if you dare say it's on the southwestern side of Dayton, I will shoot a straw wrapper at you the next time I see you. I didn't go to Oxford for Dayton -- I went because of Cincinnati, and because God called me there.
What are you doing now? I wish we could be friends, but we're clearly not. You've requested your silence, and I respect it every single day -- but you should have known, dating a music girl like me would get you at least two songs written about you. I'm sorry they all ended up on the album. But I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of the memories -- I hold each and every one close to my heart. I wish that we could go back to those times, although I know that I can't. If I stay where I am, I'll be headed right to where I think I've always wanted to go. But is that the right path? I keep getting the feeling that it's not, that God is trying to tell me to turn around before it's too late. Can you hear me? I'm still here.
God, can You help me? Oh, wait. That's a silly question. XD
So now I take a break from your regularly scheduled blog entry to let you know what my plans are for the next couple of days. If anybody wants to join me for these plans, you are more than welcome to do so! However, keep in mind the conditions.
I am going up to Sandusky tomorrow -- Wednesday the 15th. (Robbers, thieves, and all around bad guys beware -- I have friends who live in the same apartment complex, and parents AND grandparents in town who know EVERYBODY in Zanesville. You have been warned.) I have gotten a hotel for myself -- Best Western, because apparently I'm a Gold member now (!) so I get extra added perks like extra points. Yay me. Plus, the hotel's indoor, unlike the Travelodge where I normally go (with people), so the added security is a plus. Oh, and they have a hot tub. Score two more. I'm okay with having you sleep in the hotel with me, too, if you're a girl and I know you because there's only one bed. I'm only staying there the one night; I'll drive home Thursday night.
As a Platinum holder, I'm thinking of going into the park for Starlight on Wednesday, but that depends on how tired I am and whatever else I want/have to do. I will definitely be going in on Thursday and spending the whole day, 12 hours, ten-o-clock-is-closing-time there. (Yes, Midnight Rave is about Cedar Point. It took you this long to figure it out?)
MY PHONE NUMBER IS AVAILABLE, SANS AREA CODE, ON FACEBOOK. Text me or call me if you want to get a hold of me. You know where I live; figure out the area code. Keep in mind that I am a coaster whisperer which just means that I don't mind waiting in line two and a half hours for three seconds of ride. I will be riding, and I will be riding a lot. If you choose to come, keep this in mind. We will be going at MY pace. (I am also not paying for tickets; get them online.) I assume nobody will take me up on this offer, but hey, you never know.
TLDR: mind is up in the air, I think God keeps putting Dayton on my mind, and I'm going to the Point, so you should too.