021411 -- "I'm still here!"

[memorialrainbow]

I had a dream last night.

Oftentimes, when I'm sleeping, I'll have dreams. When I try to wake up at two, and then I go back to sleep, when I go back to sleep I often have a dream so vivid that I understand it must be from God. I let myself sleep in today -- the weather has been changing, and I have such a big sleep deficit that I wanted to make it up. Plus, yesterday was very, very productive, and I didn't have much that I wanted to do today (although I kind of wanted to go to Starbucks -- and I might still do that).

Anyway, this was one of those dreams.

I was in a library. The library had started being outside (Presser Hall, actually) but by the end of the dream it was inside a student center, and I was pretty darn sure I wasn't at my alma mater anymore. I was looking for a locker -- my locker. Previously, I had told somebody -- Kellie, one of my good high school friends! -- that I would meet her uptown at one of the bars. Perhaps I was just visiting? I don't know.

But I was going to find the locker to get my old books. I realized that it was probably spring or something, and I needed those books -- I did pay for them, after all, and COLLEGE BOOKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE. So I drove out in my car, Navi-Widget, and parked where I thought my locker was near (Yeah, I drove in the library -- it was outdoors at the time). My locker had my name on it, so I looked around all over the place for it, but could not find it.

I went back to the front of the library and saw a locker with a girl named Jennifer's name on it...and another name that I recognized. I opened the locker. I had been opening all of the lockers (there were no locks) to look for my stuff in case one of the names were wrong. When I looked inside this locker, I did find music books in the locker, but I also found a binder, one of those Trapper Keepers that zip up. I promptly unzipped it.

Have you ever had a person in your life who has not spoken to you for ages? Unfortunately I have several. One in particular has requested that I never speak to him again, and so far, I have respected his silence. I will continue to do so. But if his locker is *right there,* I might as well find out what's going on in his life.

I open up the binder and I find blank sheets of paper, a pencil holder, and -- surprisingly -- some of my drawings. One of them is me in a white hat and a black outfit -- my Speedkeeper, for those of you who read topthrillracer -- and there were holes in some of the papers. Later on, there were worksheets and journals, saying that he was in class, bored. It was a bit separate from what I thought he would be doing right now (through the grapevine -- I do have my sources) and it also mentioned that he had a girlfriend fiancee, and that they would be getting married soon. But he also said that he didn't have any future career plans. This was really opposite the person I had known for so long, and I thought it weird.

I grabbed a marker -- he had several Crayola markers in his bag, and the one I grabbed was a nice dark sky blue. I wrote several things on some of the pages -- I do this sometimes with my own journals, writing notes to the past me. But I was writing to him, hoping that these notes would get through to him. Then, I opened the binder to the first page, where the blank paper was. I opened up to the second page and wrote "I'm still here!" in big letters, and then wrote the date below it.

8-3-11. Written in standard writing, instead of the "080311" that I use at work.

I hate it when I have dreams about the future. It definitely means something, or at least it does to me. Am I still in my hometown when it is August 3rd? Perhaps I am coming back for my books because I won't have another chance to? Whatever it was, I definitely was NOT in Oxford anymore. The library had changed to an indoor one while I had been looking/writing, and I zipped up the binder and placed it back into the locker, which was now smaller and on a table, still next to Jennifer's. (I could pick up the locker now! How weird.) From there I investigated the rest of the library, finding some Pokespe and an escalator that led up to a cafe. Shortly afterward, I woke up.

What do we make of life? What happens when we go? How do we live it? Those are all questions that we need to ask.

I have a gift for all of you today. The song that I wrote about this person I dreamed about, Song of the Miko, is now available for all of you to hear! The song itself is not completely done; it's just the Garageband version, so it hasn't been mastered yet. And it's not available for download. But I want for you all to get a chance to listen to it.  You should be able to listen below; if not, click here.