Feb. 1st, 2016 12:56 am
memorialrainbow: (Default)
Quick update before bed. I guess I was going to write more, but I ran out of energy.

Internet's been slow here the past couple of days.

I'm moving rooms on Sunday, so I'm going to spend Tuesday going through EVERYTHING in my room and packing it up, making arrangements as need be, throwing old things out, what not, organizing. I'm actually really psyched to do it. I'm not psyched to be working a double tomorrow, though. Hopefully I get some practice in tomorrow. I have a lesson on Wednesday and of course, no practice.
memorialrainbow: (Default)
Went on a day-date with myself (ha) to the Upper East Side. I also stopped by Michaels but didn't really find anything. Arina Tanemura's new manga from Melody got translated by Viz under my nose, so I splurged and bought the first volume. I also got a new notebook for doing my records in. My friend and I picked it out; it's the same style as another one I have, but it kind of jumped out at us and said hi, so we both decided that was the one to get.

It's been nice to "have a day off," I guess. Early today I got on my old computer and pulled some transfer files. I decided that Little Fish should be on this album, so I think I'm going to go work on that now. I don't want to waste any time.

Although shopping was fun. (It was also cold as all get out.)
memorialrainbow: (bell what's out there)
So I figured I'd write.

A long time ago, when I was going through some rough times, I wrote in here a lot. I wrote about the things that were going on in my life, and I used this journal as a place to promote my work. People read along, for a good couple of years. I came out with an album, and then I came out with a book that grew into a series.

I'd post on here every once in a while after that, and my entries got more cryptic as they went on. And who knows how often I'll write now? But this time, I'm writing less for you and more for myself. Tumblr is too PC, Twitter not enough characters, Facebook too perfect. And yeah, maybe I'm writing from work at the moment, while I'm putting in information and being a database.

But nobody's really reading this yet, are they?

Here's the thing: I've been in New York City over four years now. Do you know how many albums I've produced in that time? Do you know how many songs I've written, how many times I've gone out there to promote myself? I actually made a habit out of it a long time ago, before places closed and I had to work instead.

There was a boy. It always starts out that way, there was a boy. We promised we wouldn't get too far in deep, that we'd be honest with one another. He supported my art. I was able to find temporary work, go to open mics. When I was let go from that job, he ensured I wouldn't have to worry, took a new job himself to make sure he could support both of us, moved in because living in New York is crazy. We were both crazy, we both had our faults, but at the end of the day, we were honest with each other. We didn't go to bed mad.

That was the most creative period of my life in NYC. I got a new job, one that enabled me to grow up from the crazy that I had been accustomed to. I found an open mic I could go to and even got my own show. I went to Comic-Con and we performed, and I created an album, and everything was perfect -- until it wasn't. I don't want to say my anxiety got in the way, but having all of your belongings in trash bags in your kitchen is more than a little rough. We grated on one another. Somewhere in the shuffle, my flash drive with my Comic-Con stuff was thrown out. I blamed him way more than I should have. I started blaming him for everything. He let me.

I went through a depression for the first part of 2015. Nothing happened. I woke up, went to work, came home. I wrote a little bit, but I was out of it. I was in survival mode all over again. The old-school methods I had used a long time ago woke up again: God hates that you were being creative, so He sent bedbugs to stop you. You might think I'm crazy, but that was the way my brain was operating.

I wasted a year. I wasted an entire year. At least he was around, right? At least he was being productive, starting his YouTube channel. I stayed off the computer. I let him have it. I was just in the way, right? I didn't want to take the computer and waste time while he could be recording his shows. For what it's worth, I did try. I lost sleep composing music for a friend's cabaret and now she's not talking to me because I wanted to be paid for a future one. I choreographed a dance and performed it in front of others, and then a fight broke out and my boyfriend escorted me into the nearest Mickey D's before the cops could show up. It was supposed to be a competition, and nobody won.

Things like that wouldn't knock old Emily down. I'm not sure he ever properly knew old Emily. Old Emily existed before January 5, 2012.

And you're still here in black and gold
Your inner core the only change
So how much of the girl I fell for still remains?

You know what I should have done on January 5? I should have quit the city. I should have called my dad, said "this isn't working out, I'm coming home." And yeah, I signed a year lease, but those things are just numbers in this city, anyway. I would have gone home, maybe gotten yelled at a bit, but hey, I would have gotten what I wanted out of the city, right?

But in the end, I'm glad I stayed. I've learned a lot about myself, about the way I process things. I've learned that it doesn't matter where you are, as long as the people you love are around you. And I've learned what that actually means. I know now what New York City is, for better or for worse. I know it's not a be all, end all. I know people romanticize it, and even those who live in the city romanticize it. It's our bubble. We live here, and if anybody threatens it, we act like it's 9/11 all over again. (Ted Cruz just made some interesting comments on this.)

Because we make it, right? Because we all struggle in this city. It's a shared struggle that we romanticize so much. We talk about how hard it is to find a dollar coffee, how we're squished like sardines in the subway car, the number of homeless people and pigeons and piles of puke we walk right past on our way to work, where we must dress exactly how they want and act exactly how they want in those high rises lest we go back to working at Mickey D's. (And they probably make more money, at this point.) Everything is always our fault, but that's okay, because we're making it in the real world. We have our shoebox apartment and we wouldn't have it any other way. We can't afford to go out because we're too busy working two jobs, but we certainly have it better than anybody at home, right? We blow through our bonds and have no money left in our savings accounts, no future, but we're living like the starving artists on Broadway. You know, just like Jonathan Larson. God bless Jonathan Larson.

We pick up and we scrape by, and we're nice to those near us as long as that niceness doesn't actually hurt us any. We put on our headphones and ignore the beggars on the train, the people sitting with cardboard signs as we go to work in our elite sports clubs. We oversleep because we don't want to get up in the morning, but hey, it's what "real people" do. And I don't doubt that anywhere. But I used to talk about the Oxford bubble, and now I'm talking about the New York City bubble, and I'm wondering just what is real. Is real life what we make of it? If so, then everybody in New York City automatically gives too much control to everybody else. We have to, in order to make this city work. If you deviate too much, you're left behind. If you don't move at supersonic speed -- and that's saying something, considering this city must be moving faster than Top Thrill Dragster -- then you have no time or energy or money to write or music or create or anything. And it's even worse for those of us who deal with mental problems, who were bullied as kids, whose fathers' words echo in our heads even when our mothers tell us they no longer matter. New York City is okay -- but it's not for everybody. To pretend it is for everybody is to shame the world we live in, to shame every place that isn't New York, to ultimately shame New York and the individuals who might be creatively trapped here.

And I know what everybody in NYC might be reading. You don't like it, then leave?

Maybe I will.

I go to Jersey for a jaunt and I plan my life, knowing that when I'm back in NYC, I'll be moving too fast for me to properly think. I go to Albany for my yearly jaunt to the convention and I feel tired the entire time, unsure if I should return back to the city. I go to Cedar Point, because maybe racing for the sky and racing underneath the sky are two separate things. Maybe I can't fly in NYC. But maybe that doesn't mean I can't fly at all. Maybe it just means the buildings are too tall here for my liking. Maybe the skies are too crowded. Maybe it's more hopeful for me to leave.

There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste

In July, I went outside of the city to have the most successful gig of the year. We made it all the way through and my client was so happy, and I'll never forget the look on his face and I learned we might actually be making something here. While I was in Charlotte for the gig, my boyfriend was busy being in somebody else.

He told me in October. I should have chased him out, burned his things, but I was stunned enough that I let him stay another month. I still haven't gotten rid of some of his things.

But I dealt with the stress of that, and I've dealt with the stress of it, and I need to toss those things out. I've tossed out memories before, and I'll do it again. I say that I remember everything, and it's true -- but just because I remember something doesn't mean I don't want to remember. The past means nothing. The past doesn't help me out. The past doesn't pay the bills. It only holds me back.

I'm furious.

That may be the best thing to be right now.

For now, though, I work. And I plan, in the little bits that I can. I get outside the city to think. I take the ferry. I fix music. And hopefully, this summer, I'll go back to the place where I had my successful gig, and lightning will strike twice.

And the thunder will follow afterward.
memorialrainbow: (Default)
I love March. It is inserted right between February and April, the two months I hate the most, so it is a nice reprieve from the suckiness. Although it hasn't been nice so far. The weather has been CRAP.

My roommate wasn't home today so I decided today would be a good day to record something. But I didn't have any raps written; I've had some inspiration but didn't really have anything to do with it. So then I was like, dude, I should finish the Little Fish song and do *that* today.

And as such I present you:

This took FOREVER. Mostly because I decided I was singing before I had any tracks laid, and then sang the whole song in like five different keys (most. embarrassing. thing of my entire life. period.) Then I had to lay three different piano tracks and they were ALL an absolute mess. But the Garageband version is done, and there's an MP3 track available, too.

Now, if you excuse me, I am tired.

(passes out)
memorialrainbow: (Default)
Finished Pondicherry! Well, the story version; the song version got recorded but is still in bad-note limbo. I'm going to try to upload the story tonight from Dylan's house, but that depends on his internet. It needs a bit of polishing, but not much. I'm thinking it might also go into the "takes place in Ohio" book, but I'm not sure.

Nobody knows how important this is to me.

I also need to film the rest of the Midnight Rave video tonight, and I suppose I need to pack for that.

Shed for him is my fifth tear,
Find it in the title here.
Written in one single word,
"An eye is an eye, unless it is heard."
memorialrainbow: (idora)
When did I have a restored draft? Seriously? LJ keeps those things for that long? (I suppose it's a good thing. I shouldn't jinx myself.)

So here I am today at WHIZ, as I type-type-type on this really loud, probably ancient KeyTronic keyboard. I figure Big Brother here won't mind if I make an update, considering I've got a few different things on my mind. (The subject line is one of them. I played Journey's 'Separate Ways' and that line is from the literal video version.) Besides, Big Brother will mind here way less than THE POWERS THAT BE at my nameless other job.

Brenda just came in and gave me a flier for an art show tomorrow, which I might go to. She also told me that her kid's in a play, but I can't go to see it because my shift starts late. Boo hiss. Brian knows about my more-than-likely impending move, and Dylan and I have been talking about it on text today.

I have a list of things to do. I'm wearing my white maxi (yes, Dylan, THAT ONE), and it's already not white somehow because something got smudged on it. I am resisting the urge to go straight to my parents house and wash it. Though I would get to see the dog. Maybe I'll go there for dinner. Take Ringo with me. Maristar has been a tangle to get through, and I need to take a serious time-out, probably tonight, and fight through this knot. This is a really sensitive passage for me, and I need to make sure to re-weave it the same way, with the same magic, that I weaved it in the first place.

So apparently some ten year old is famous on YouTube for singing Lady Gaga. I don't know what to think of this, except that in 10 years she'll make for an awesome Tosh.0 web redemption. (I haven't seen it. I'm at WORK.) It makes me think of fame, and what people make of it. I'm still in my own little circle of Fame Anonymous, and it's rough. Perhaps I should talk to Kirk Cameron or something. Or TobyMac. Or David Crowder. Is it okay to not be super-famous like Gaga and to still make a living off of it? Because that would be GREAT.

I want to write a memoir on this. I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure someone will come up to me one day and tell me how I've wasted my talent. I will tell them to come to my worship service in heaven. We'll see who's better then.

I went to the Easton Meijer yesterday, which is my favorite, and got a bunch of canned food for a drive and some other things. On my way out, I happened to walk through the floral section, where I found my soulmate. Most everybody who knows me knows that I am a serial plant killer, at least indoors. But seriously, I feel like this cactus just looked up at me and I looked at it and we both KNEW. It was love at first sight.

I bought it a pot, which is too big for it right now (slightly -- its current pot fits right in). I've been looking up all this care stuff, like I'm gonna kill it or something. I'm so scared, especially since I love this cactus now. What do I do? I cannot panick. This is my cactus we are talking about. Any tips?

I will have pictures once I get off of work. CACTUS!
memorialrainbow: (Default)
I was late again to work today. Read more... )
memorialrainbow: (Default)
I am relaxing pretty well today. Watching Pokemon right now -- or at least making my way through the really bad opening animation. They're talking about the XTransciever now. Loved that part of the games. I love how Ash just reboots on his stupidity every season.

There are a bunch of things that have just invaded my radar within the past couple of days. Some of those:

-- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Dammit, fandoms! I heard about this from varying sources and figured I'd watch an episode On Demand. Why does that show have to be so awesome? I never really watched MLP as a kid (though I watched Care Bears and that has to count for something). But I went looking for the series premiere online, and it seriously is good. A must-watch for females everywhere, at least one episode.
-- The new Thundercats series. DUDE SO FREAKING AWESOME I CAN'T WAIT.
-- I swear, I am gonna put out like five songs today. Eleison is up, by the way! Such an awesome song, and I'm glad I finally have it up. It's at Soundclick here though it's just the Garageband version. I originally wrote this song back in my freshman year for RMN, but it never got finished. I have a feeling it will end up on Almond Dust. Now, you're probably asking, who is "Eleison" for? I know it's for somebody, I'm just not revealing that right now. Maybe never. I don't know.
memorialrainbow: (fishie)
It's, like, disgusting right now. I can literally hear the wind outside. Saw on Twitter that there is a tornado watch until I start my shift at my job. I need to find my meds before I go to work, because I will probably start things off with a HUGE headache. I've been dreading today ever since Monday, when I figured out that there would be maintenance tonight. Not really happy about that either.

I just turned on "Shining Collection" from Gravitation, and it reminded me of this year's Ohayocon. During the formal dance, they played this song, and a cosplayer dressed up as Ryuichi got on stage and started to sing, which generated a mosh pit. After that, cosplayers dressed up as Yuki and Shuichi got on stage (note all of the cosplayers are girls, as which frequently happens with Gravitation), and Yuki proposed to Shuichi on stage, which of course got everybody screaming. Some girl behind me said it was the best Ohayocon ever. And Dylan just stood there the entire time like, whut? (It's okay. Really, it is.)

I love how he recognized the Gravitation music from CyberLight. Witness the power of sparkling on stage.

And then Green Day turns on, and we're done with that.

I'm watching tosh.o on Comedy Central, which reminds me of this most recent Spring Break. Apparently Tosh is the only thing on TV at 12:00 midnight...or at least the only thing my boyfriend wants to watch. It was pretty funny staying up late at night to watch it, considering I couldn't really sleep. Too much going on, and so much to see and do. It was really overwhelming.

Right now I'm adding information on how to find all of the episodes of HPP! onto the Pretty Cure fan wiki. It's a bit time-consuming, but at least it will be done. Should have done that from the beginning. And I just realized that I left all of my food at home. Great. I'll need to make a short Kroger trip now before I head to work. Although if I head to Kroger, I can prepare for my Bad Day At Work in style. I've done it before, and it perks up what should have been a bad day and makes it an okay day.

Like tabloids. I don't mean the trashy ones, I just mean like People and InTouch and the like. So easy to read, so easy to lose yourself in, but worthless if they don't come with crosswords. A good crossword will last me about an hour at work, which is wonderful especially when you're on the phone back to back with customers. I can't write anything during that time, or even really read, but I can have that track going in the back of my mind and wonder what a four letter word is for 'ocean' while someone's box is rebooting. Packed my DS for lunch break, and if things get slow, I might try to continue to write some of the lyrical stuff I've been doing.

Remember when I went to Nashville? How my music was good, but the lyrics left a little bit to be desired? Mostly because all the music I listen to is in Japanese? I'll probably have straight-up poems to read at open mic night tomorrow, because I've been thinking of ways to weave words together and make things work. Hasn't worked quite lyrically yet, but with every song, I get better. My music isn't just for me anymore. I want to make a perfect merge of music and lyrics. I feel like I really accomplished that well in Midnight Rave -- even though nobody will know what the song is about, really, they can get a picture of what's happening from the lyrics. I wanted to write something Owl City-ish, where even if it doesn't make sense, it gives you pictures, thoughts of "a girl whose hair is blue" and "midnight chiming by lines of gold." It makes you think, but then it also has simple love lyrics.  (Dammit, Mill, come home!)

On that note, does anybody have any great music that they love that they would like for me to listen to?  The catch is this: the lyrics must be English.  I'm trying to listen to as much as I can -- I want to write both artsy and radio-ready stuff.  Monday, when I felt like crap, I went to Newark and bought the new 30 Seconds To Mars cd, and that had some *interesting* lyrics, I tell you.  Anything and everything would be great, guys, even if you don't have an MP3.  Make me buy the stuff.  Or look it up on Vevo.

Stinking Ohio weather.  The high for today was 68.  The high for tomorrow is 40.  Can I move early?  Please?  I have HAD IT up to here with Ohio weather.  Seriously, it wasn't even this bad in Indiana.  And I remember Indiana.  It's true that I've been in Ohio too long.  I love Ohio.  Seriously, I do.  But even being in Zanesville is okay as long as I'm myself.  I go to the toy section of Target.  I play with dolls and Legos at my desk.  I have a full 96-pack of crayons in my possession.  I know this won't last forever, and I'll get professional and understand where I need to go and how I need to do things.

But I think I'll be a kid up until I decide to take one on.  You can't grow up too soon, I suppose.
memorialrainbow: (garden)
Dylan, you are no longer allowed to complain about my internet, because this stuff here is nuts. Seriously, the lag is insane. It's worse than Lite.

So, here we are, in the hotel room. I'm perched on my bed, along with all of my stuff from the day. Dylan is looking at something on his computer. I am going to post this and then grab my DS and start playing Black again. I forgot how much of this first badge is a walkthrough in Generation V.

And there goes my Easy Mac. (rescues it from the microwave)

Today has been a very interesting day. I didn't fall asleep until about 2:30AM here, which makes sense not only because I normally work overnights but because I was nervous. Today was my meeting with the Nashville Songwriters' Association, and I was trying desperately to convince myself for the umpteenth time that I should just go back to Zanesville and do customer service for the rest of my life. Which is it MUCH easier to say no to that voice when the BMI offices are located next door to your hotel, and you can see them. I eventually had to convince myself to go to bed, since I had only had two and a half hours of sleep the night before.

The funny thing about what I actually want to do is that I can't run from it when I'm actually doing it. I'm here. Like, physically here. I'm not locked up in my apartment in Zanesville, missing people and watching late-night TV that I've DVR'd while working on my music.

We went up to NSAI, which was a much smaller building than I thought it was, which was good. The secretary, Whitney, was very nice and explained a lot to us about NSAI and how it works, and she gave us a quick tour. Then, we met this guy named Chris, who was super-enthusiastic and even gave me one of his lyric sheets. It really made me realize that I wasn't at home anymore, and that it really was God's will for me to be here.

Then we had the meeting with David, who was able to explain more of how the songwriting business works. It's still hard for me to grasp. Right now all I really know is that I want to write with as many people as possible. David said that my music was really sound, but my lyrics could use some work. It made sense for two reasons -- 1: with my synesthetics, writing music is not only easy but fluent for me, and 2: I might be farther along with writing English lyrics if 95% of the songs I listened to were actually in English! Major J-POP fail right there.

There are songwriters of every genre and age here. I can either bang my head against the wall, yell at myself for not making it so far yet, even go so far as to call myself a failure because I wasn't world-famous at fifteen...or be grateful that I've learned so much. With every time I play my music for someone else, with every open mic I go to, with every connection I make, that little voice in my head is going farther and farther away. I don't know if it will ever fully disappear, but at least it is fading out into the sunset as I run into the night.

Anyway, from there, we drove down to past 440 and jaywalked to the Bluebird Cafe. I *really* like this place. It wasn't necessarily big or flashy, which was good. I wasn't anticipating playing, which I didn't get a chance to (and I'm fine with that). While there, I met Shelby Dressel, whose videos I might note I've been watching mostly nonstop tonight (although right now I'm listening to Ms. Dion in an effort to get my Engrish back on track). Shelby has, straight up, a wonderful voice, and I'm glad I met her. Someone needs to invent a 'beam me up Scotty' device so I can watch this girl live -- she didn't get to play, either.

While standing in line for the Bluebird, looking at everybody standing there with their guitars and feeling slightly out of place, I realized something. I have something that nobody else has. I have my synesthesia. That in itself is unique, and nobody can ever take that from me. If I could, I would gift everybody I know with synesthesia, to share the way I see the world, to give everybody their own colors. That way, C Major for someone would be green, and for another person, it would be blue. But I can't do that. I can only weave the final product and have people listen to it.

But the most important thing to remember about Nashville is the one thing I think I've learned the most of...that, no, unlike Fishers so long ago, people are not out to eat me alive. That's something I've learned from Chris, from Shelby, and most importantly, from myself.

OK, I'm *sure* that entire post made a whole heck of a lot of sense. Bottom line...I really need to quit my day job. (Anybody find that ironic?)
memorialrainbow: (idora)
Today's entry is on "Almond Dust," the album I'm going to release most likely on June 30th this year!

As I'm going through some music-related things, I realized that the same music file I used to record "The Tiger And The Lighthouse" before I left Miami also has "Graduation" from Burnout on it.

The recording, at this point in my musical-sound technical career, is like, "wtf?" I can hear the 'speech enhancers' on Ringo doing their thing. It sounds *awful.* But I made it just last year, and it'll go on Burnout, and I'll make it sound as good as I can by compressing it and what not. At least that version of the recording is nice and bright. Although I now realize listening to it that, for copyright purposes, I took the alma mater out. I think it sounds better with it.

But this still makes me cry at the end. I realize what I weaved into the song, and it makes me both happy and sad at the same time. At the very end of Graduation, there are five chords that spelled out what I wanted for my future. None of that has happened. Though when I saw the end of the song, in my head, I saw the way the story was supposed to go. I do this a lot for my songs, and oftentimes, the first picture I get I'll consider a gift from God, a little tagline that I shouldn't take too seriously but I should use to inspire myself.

My tagline for "Graduation" involved me getting my degree and walking down off the platform, then seeing somebody I loved on the other side. He held out his hand, and I just cried, with a smile on my face. As I sniffled, the song ended, and I realized after I wrote it that the song had a bittersweet quality to it. Why I was crying, I might never know. But perhaps I was crying because I knew -- even then -- that somehow, I had what I wanted at that moment, and I knew it would all be to waste.

Good morning, my miko.

Jonathan's Lullaby ended up being written the same way, with a "tagline." But more on that in a minute.

I'd like to say a few words about the songs I've written for Almond Dust so far. Let's start with "The Tiger and the Lighthouse," which I actually wrote while I was still at Miami. In a way, "Tiger" plays the same role that "come alive" did at the beginning of Russian Mountain Nation -- it bridged a gap. "come alive" was written at the end of my high school career, the summer before I went to Miami; yet, it was included on RMN. Likewise, "taskana" was put in as an introduction interlude -- it was my way of saying "okay, we're done with that period of my life, moving on now." So "come alive" and "taskana" are *VERY* much like "Tiger" and "1:15:23" on Almond Dust. "Tiger" is my way of saying, "okay, let's start this sucker off." And "Tiger" fits my theme of this album, which is "What's your story, morning glory?" Each song on "Almond" is written for or about somebody else, other than the interludes (which I think there will just be 1:15:32). "Tiger" is written for Dylan, because he "is" a tiger, per se. I know it's not a perfect recording of "Tiger" that will be included on the volume, but it'll still be there. It's gonna be like my 'track 0,' a bonus track of sorts. I think it gives the image of me arriving at someplace, not sure of how or why I'm exactly there (which explains right now very well).

1:15:32 was an interlude track I wanted to write. After I moved, I put up my clock from Miami, and it stuck on 1:15:32 for a long time until I swapped the battery out. I felt like it represented what I was feeling, graduating from school and just going back to my hometown. I felt like I had failed myself in some way, and I wanted to express that chaoticness...while still being open to what the world might have for me. 1:15:32 includes motifs from Triangle (from Yes Yes Lord Amen! and Yellow) and The Tiger And The Lighthouse, which are very similar to each other in chordal structure. To me, 1:15:32 also represents stepping away from who I was at Miami and saying, "okay, we're done with that. Let's move on."

That brings me to "Broken," which is a song I wrote for my friend Jesse (you fuzzball!). If you know Jess, you know that, while he lives far away, he's very perceptive about things, and I wrote the song from his perspective, but I also put a lot of my own thoughts into it. It was written shortly before Midnight Rave -- the Garageband version puts it at about the 3rd of July.

I have all of these tracks and their order finalized -- The Tiger and the Lighthouse; 1:15:32; Broken; Midnight Rave. Broken will be followed on Almond Dust then by Midnight Rave, which I consider a beautiful mess. The story behind Midnight Rave is something that only I can fully understand, and it's about somebody who is very important to me (though I won't say who; TTR readers probably know). It's a beast of a song at five and a half minutes; I worked on it at the same time as Jonathan's Lullaby and while I was doing that I was like what the heck, this is a huge song. I just recently mastered it, though I've had the information for a while now. But I think I sang this track very well, and it will be effective. It'll be my one introspective, experimental track.

After Midnight Rave will probably be other tracks I haven't set down yet -- Mirror, which is the song with the lyrics I posted earlier, and a piano-only track called Things Will Change (written for somebody -- or a lot of somebodies). Fitting in there is Song of the Miko, which I have written on before.

The last track on Almond Dust will be "Jonathan's Lullaby," which is just that -- a lullaby that taps out at less than three minutes. It took me a while to write it -- it came in pieces. One of my coworkers is expecting, and the baby will be named Jonathan. I wanted to write something that she could sing to him at night. Surprisingly, though, God gave me a "tagline" for the lullaby. (On that note, Octane 93 -- Haru is gonna end with Prodigal's Lullaby. What's up with lullabies being the last word?) The tagline happens right after the guitar and the strings, the other two of the three instruments, fade out and it's just the piano. In this tagline, I see myself singing the song, weaving its colors, on a stage; then, after I'm done singing, I jump down from the stage, where someone else is waiting for me -- the person I started the album off with. He holds out his left hand, and I take it with my right. With that, we run off to the right of the stage, into a blinding light. This tagline is not bittersweet, but it is happy and lifting.

Almond Dust is officially getting its own tag. No, freaking seriously, people, this album is going to be awesome. Six tracks are done, and they all sound great. And, of course, I no longer want to sleep! Night turnover. (sigh)
memorialrainbow: (garden)

I had a dream last night.

Oftentimes, when I'm sleeping, I'll have dreams. When I try to wake up at two, and then I go back to sleep, when I go back to sleep I often have a dream so vivid that I understand it must be from God. I let myself sleep in today -- the weather has been changing, and I have such a big sleep deficit that I wanted to make it up. Plus, yesterday was very, very productive, and I didn't have much that I wanted to do today (although I kind of wanted to go to Starbucks -- and I might still do that).

Anyway, this was one of those dreams.

I was in a library. The library had started being outside (Presser Hall, actually) but by the end of the dream it was inside a student center, and I was pretty darn sure I wasn't at my alma mater anymore. I was looking for a locker -- my locker. Previously, I had told somebody -- Kellie, one of my good high school friends! -- that I would meet her uptown at one of the bars. Perhaps I was just visiting? I don't know.

But I was going to find the locker to get my old books. I realized that it was probably spring or something, and I needed those books -- I did pay for them, after all, and COLLEGE BOOKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE. So I drove out in my car, Navi-Widget, and parked where I thought my locker was near (Yeah, I drove in the library -- it was outdoors at the time). My locker had my name on it, so I looked around all over the place for it, but could not find it.

I went back to the front of the library and saw a locker with a girl named Jennifer's name on it...and another name that I recognized. I opened the locker. I had been opening all of the lockers (there were no locks) to look for my stuff in case one of the names were wrong. When I looked inside this locker, I did find music books in the locker, but I also found a binder, one of those Trapper Keepers that zip up. I promptly unzipped it.

Have you ever had a person in your life who has not spoken to you for ages? Unfortunately I have several. One in particular has requested that I never speak to him again, and so far, I have respected his silence. I will continue to do so. But if his locker is *right there,* I might as well find out what's going on in his life.

I open up the binder and I find blank sheets of paper, a pencil holder, and -- surprisingly -- some of my drawings. One of them is me in a white hat and a black outfit -- my Speedkeeper, for those of you who read [livejournal.com profile] topthrillracer -- and there were holes in some of the papers. Later on, there were worksheets and journals, saying that he was in class, bored. It was a bit separate from what I thought he would be doing right now (through the grapevine -- I do have my sources) and it also mentioned that he had a girlfriend fiancee, and that they would be getting married soon. But he also said that he didn't have any future career plans. This was really opposite the person I had known for so long, and I thought it weird.

I grabbed a marker -- he had several Crayola markers in his bag, and the one I grabbed was a nice dark sky blue. I wrote several things on some of the pages -- I do this sometimes with my own journals, writing notes to the past me. But I was writing to him, hoping that these notes would get through to him. Then, I opened the binder to the first page, where the blank paper was. I opened up to the second page and wrote "I'm still here!" in big letters, and then wrote the date below it.

8-3-11. Written in standard writing, instead of the "080311" that I use at work.

I hate it when I have dreams about the future. It definitely means something, or at least it does to me. Am I still in my hometown when it is August 3rd? Perhaps I am coming back for my books because I won't have another chance to? Whatever it was, I definitely was NOT in Oxford anymore. The library had changed to an indoor one while I had been looking/writing, and I zipped up the binder and placed it back into the locker, which was now smaller and on a table, still next to Jennifer's. (I could pick up the locker now! How weird.) From there I investigated the rest of the library, finding some Pokespe and an escalator that led up to a cafe. Shortly afterward, I woke up.

What do we make of life? What happens when we go? How do we live it? Those are all questions that we need to ask.

I have a gift for all of you today. The song that I wrote about this person I dreamed about, Song of the Miko, is now available for all of you to hear! The song itself is not completely done; it's just the Garageband version, so it hasn't been mastered yet. And it's not available for download. But I want for you all to get a chance to listen to it.  You should be able to listen below; if not, click here.

memorialrainbow: (Default)
Easton is, like, awesome.
In case you didn't know.

I'm sitting here in Panera, which is actually a new Easton find for me. My plan for today was to take Ringo along (hence this entry!) and go find some new stuff, maybe buy some new things, and at the end of the day find my way to Starbucks in Barnes and Noble and write an entry or two, send some emails, the whole nine yards. Except I didn't exactly know how I was going to eat. Panera has solved that problem; I've done all my fun shopping, and after I'm here I'll go to Barnes and Noble. (And before going home, I will stop by Walmart. Even the most glamorous of divas needs toilet paper.)

I am making a mess with this sandwich.

Due to me staying up late again last night (it was past eight before I finally fell asleep), I got up at three and made my way to Easton by five. For those of you not around this area, Easton is an outdoor shopping mall. It has a TON of stores, and a lot of them are well priced. What I like about Easton is that they're always putting something new in; and they have more than the mall, too. Easton is off of Morse Road, which is The Busiest Street In Columbus (patent pending), so there's a crapton of stuff there as well. When I went shopping for hotels around Ohayocon, I started my search around Easton, because I know the area. (I also know a killer scenic view that takes you there from my place, avoiding those gosh-awful interstates. There was an accident on Hamilton today, though, so I skipped that part and went for 270.)

I started my trek away from the main mall, as I wanted to go to Old Navy. Gosh. I haven't been to Old Navy in AGES. Anyway, they redesigned the interior of the store, and it looks SO fresh! They moved everything around, and the checkout line is so cute -- it reminded me of Hot Topic with all the candy and stuff out front. I like that vibe they're going for -- but I know Old Navy is also classy. While there I found the CUTEST trouser jeans, and they were on sale, so I scooped them up! (It doesn't hurt that they were a size smaller than the current Old Navy jeans I'm wearing. I love losing weight. It was a major picker-upper.)

After that I headed to the actual mall. There's tons of parking, if you know where to look and you don't mind walking. I parked in a garage, because I knew while it would still be cold, I'd probably have electronics in the car all day. The South garage is just a jaunt from the Holy Land Barnes and Noble, but I hadn't anticipated the Panera nearby. Hooray for soup and sandwiches!

From there I walked around the mall. I had an American Eagle gift card I wanted to use, and while we have an AE in Middle of Nowhere-land, I still wanted to use it. I looked at other stores -- I still love Forever 21, and I discovered H&M has great prices -- before stopping at American Eagle (conveniently next to the Apple store). I usually don't go for A&E -- I don't know what it is about their style that doesn't throw me. Aeropostale is my preppy style, Old Navy is my everyday look, and Hollister is where I want to go if I want a taste of summer (which considering today's wind chill, I spent a lot of time in there ogling the bathing suits). But A&E has always straddled the line for me, plus, their prices are usually a bit higher. Well, with the gift card, I could ignore that last factor for today.

And I found AN AMAZING DRESS. I fell in love with it, and I was so excited when I found a large on the rack. I tried it on in the dressing room and it fit me perfectly! Plus at $35 it wasn't out of my budget at all. I still have some money on the card if I want to use it back here. (By the way, Steph, I used your All-Access thingy. Don't be a hater. I'm sure you get some sort of reward for that XD)

After that I went next door to the Apple store. I asked about a cute little microphone that I've been looking at for the past few years months. And lo and behold they still had the little sucker in stock! It's called a Snowball and it should hook up to Ringo without any software (all the wonder of Mac, haha). I'm both very excited and VERY scared to use it. It will get its first test runs more than likely on Sunday, when I record episode 3 of HPP! (more on that later). I can't wait to hear how it all sounds.

I am still dreading my Leopard upgrade. I should just get it over with. Perhaps spring break? As if I don't have enough to worry about.

Anyway, now I'm here, the other stuff is in the car, and I'm almost done with my food. I'm going to head to B&N, and I might pick up a CD at Walmart while I'm there. I'm divided between Kesha and Nicki Minaj. What I've heard of Minaj's story is inspiring. Why am I such a Top 40 junkie? Oh, that's right, the colors are way vibrant and candy-like. :) That's also why I'm a small Bieber fan (I definitely do not have Bieber fever, but a Bieber cold, and it's all the music. Plus, how can that kid take all that pressure? God's *got* to be on his side.)

OH! And I'm gonna be on Z92 tomorrow! I'll be covering for Andy. Now if I could just wake up at the right time...

020711 --

Feb. 7th, 2011 07:47 pm
memorialrainbow: (Default)
I'm still working on the user info, and I'm cycling out my battery today, so a short entry.

It was a lot of fun to have the Super Bowl at my family's house yesterday. After that I went back to WHIZ. It's been a lot of fun to do my recording over there, and I think I might continue to do that. Instead of going there on Thursday, though, I'm thinking of going to Easton and hanging out, doing some shopping. And then on Sunday, I hope to have enough down so that I can show you all what I've been doing. Yes, it's fanfiction related, and yes, it's Precure related, but the first part is going under quality control right now.

Does anybody know of anyone I can talk to in Nashville? I've been wanting to go for some time and talk to some people about it, but I feel like I can't go alone, and I can finally do that this March. I don't want to mess this up.
memorialrainbow: (Default)
I need to actually remember to write in here.

Instead of going outside and spending more money, and buying unnecessary caffinated drinks, which I don't want to do anyway, I will stay here and open up my window and write. Not actually open my window, mind you. Just the blinds, to let some extra light in. And I might turn on the news. See what's going on in the world, aside from my little one-bedroom apartment.

Oh, lookit, a Pokemon movie's on. This will make up for me not going to Cleveland this weekend, I suppose? I donno. I wanted to go, but it's going to be hard for me to try and go tomorrow with everything else that's happening, and my sleep schedule being what it is.

So there's this boy. He gets so confused sometimes, and he doesn't exactly know what to do. I wish I could help him, and perhaps I could help him more if we weren't apart all of the time. That brings me back to something that I've been meaning to write on for a while now. Pain. Do most people just go throughout their lives trying to avoid it?

This is more about me than anything, so let me tell you about pain. I do try to avoid it. I'll be the first to admit that when something seems hard, all I want to do is run and hide. I know what I'm capable of as a person. When I say I'm good at music or something, I'm not just saying I'm good for my own benefit. I'm not just trying to build myself up anymore or grab attention. I'm *telling* you that I'm good at music. I'm saying that I know what I'm doing, and I feel like if I'm skilled enough in a field, I should find a job that lets me do what I'm designed to do. I mean, instead, I'm here, and that's painful enough. But when your best friend chides you because your job is not in your field and you're just trying to save up money so that you can get out and quit said job without starving...Do people know at all how hard this is for me? Do people understand that even as I'm here, in the city I grew up in, I'm still learning how to be me in a way I couldn't before? I shouldn't be punished for that, and yet, I feel like sometimes the one way I'm punished is when I do it to myself.

It's so dark now. I feel like running and hiding. But I know I can't do that. So, I post this instead.

When writing music, especially as a kid, I understood that colors went in a certain pattern. If I deviated from that pattern, and something didn't sound right, then I didn't want to keep that chord progression. I found that most everything revolved not around the key, but around the turning chord -- the dominant. When I wrote in C, that chord was G. Where did G go? I would ask myself. Most of the time, especially when it was younger, G went to C, but sometimes if I wanted it to sound cool, it would go to A (A minor), or even sometimes to F.
The pattern I used for, oh, about 95% of the songs I wrote as a kid was a simple one that went from C to Am to F to G (I to vi to IV to V). Sure, you can invert that, or substitute a ii for the IV, but that's the basic thought process behind 7-year old Emily's music. Which I do have some recorded! "Bravery" follows that pattern as well (diverting when the music modulates, but whutever). The left hand carried the beat and the harmony, as well as the chords (broken, not blocked), and the right hand carried the melody.

That's for you, tiger. I'm trying to work on describing how I compose music.

Perhaps it would help if I actually *composed* some.
memorialrainbow: (Default)
I wrote these song lyrics last night -- at work, none the less! -- and they've got me thinking a lot about stuff this morning.  So, I figured I'd put them up here.  I haven't come up with a title for it yet, but like the rest of the songs on Almond Dust (my album this year), it is written specifically for somebody.  (And no, I'm not copying off of Taylor Swift.)

Starlight passed from hand to hand
In ways I could not understand
There's gotta be some magic plan
A magical connection
Life and death and hate and love
All sent from the stars above
Were you a demon or a dove?
It's there in your reflection

We met and traded names
You were my water, I your flame
It was a game gone so astray
So messed up and raw
But I fought and kicked and cried
Wanting for you to see me try
But while I saw the light
It's not what others saw

Starlight passed from hand to hand
In ways I could not understand
There's gotta be some magic plan
A magical connection
Life and death and hate and love
All sent from the stars above
Were you a demon or a dove?
It's there in your reflection

He threw you away
You were his rag doll in his play
But you came back to me to stay
One Tuesday August night
Another one then came
He stepped forward to save your name
Though it was not the same
I knew that it was right

And so, starlight passed from hand to hand
In ways I still don't understand
There's gotta be some magic plan
A magical connection
Life and death and hate and love
All sent from the stars above
Are you a demon or a dove?
It's there in your reflection

For starlight couldn't save you
Your destiny was untrue
You fought against the grain when God called me home
I was saved, but not by you
I tilt my head up to the moon
And wonder -- could I have saved you? -- but I've won
Your true colors could not be

And from now on, your breath holds fast
Lying in a casket of glass
Dead to us all, your fate is cast
And your twin stands attention
To destiny he testifies
And like my name, he claims the skies
For long ago, I saw his eyes
Inside of your reflection

I'm thinking it will be just me and piano, but I want to record it with Dylan's keyboard, and that's obviously not happening today.  Working out is starting to become something that is more of a chore, but that might just be after last night's dream (and last night -- nonstop work all night, gotta love it right?)  I know I shouldn't be as frustrated and as tired as I am, but it seems like my days are shrinking right in front of my eyes.  Five o'clock to me means "day is done."  I know it's important to do these things, and once I get into them I'm usually fine, but before that I'm just like "do I have to get up now? Do I have to face the day today?"

What can I do but wait for the new Millennium?
I just must be prepared for it.
memorialrainbow: (Default)

Penguins is a topic on Jeopardy today.  I called Jesse, and he was ecstatic.  He's obsessed with penguins -- all birds, really, but mostly penguins.

To continue with our snow that we've been receiving today, I'd like to give you all a free song.  You have to sign up for SoundClick in order to download it, but it's a piano piece I wrote back in high school.  I recorded this version at the same time I put together Russian Mountain Nation.  When I wrote this song, I thought about snow, how it falls from the sky, and the peaceful feeling that it gives when you let it.  When you're trying to drive through it, all you want to do is scream, sure.  But once you let go and you let the snow claim its territory, once you accept that you're snowed in,

(While you're at SoundClick, download your free version of Shut Up And Listen -- it's up there, too!)

To download "Snow" and Shut Up And Listen -- and to check out the rest of my music -- you can go to SoundClick.  You can also go to Bandcamp to download SHL -- "Snow" is only available on SoundClick.

memorialrainbow: (Default)
I wanted to write more, but I need to go to work shortly here, and I'm also currently working on getting Shut Up And Listen up on SoundClick (which has been an adventure in itself, the uploader doesn't like me).  You can also go and download your FREE COPY (yes, I said free) at Bandcamp while it's available there.  

I was trying to find one of my notebooks for a story that I was working on, but thanks to Mr. I'm Going To Clean Your Apartment, I could not find it ANYWHERE.  Oh, well.  But I did find another notebook, which makes me think of the other stories that I haven't yet finished.  So I've been working on that story here for a little bit, hoping that I can get some knocked out of it.  I hope I can.  You'll root for me, won't you?

I have a meditation that I will probably write this morning (probably because, like the last two nights, I won't want to sleep until 8).
memorialrainbow: (Default)
So have you downloaded your copy of Shut Up And Listen yet?  I know I have!  Oh, wait, I own the album already without downloading it.  Silly me.  :)

I've been writing a lot today, but it's just practice writing.  It's nothing that will ever show up on this blog or anywhere.  I've been thinking more recently about prompts and what not, though.  I want to see what I can do about it.  Plus, if everything goes well, I want to have a new book out by the end of the month!  When it's finished, I'll have excerpts up here so you can read the first parts of it. 

All right, back to writing and working on music.  Ciao!
memorialrainbow: (Default)

I told you all it would be coming -- Shut Up And Listen is finally here!

You can download it at BandCamp -- the link will be right below.  I will also have it in several other places, and if you want to get a CD version, I will eventually have one up on Lulu for you to purchase as well. 

The best part about SHL is that it's entirely free!  SHL is a CD that I made my junior year of high school; naturally, it has been reworked a bit and cleaned up, so ti doesn't sound like it's six years old, thank goodness.  It's more raw than my other discs, but I think its rawness works out to its favor.  Why was it called Shut Up And Listen?  I think it was more of a call for help than anything.  I'm not sure a lot of people listened back then.

So yeah, go get your free download, and if you can't download it there later, then I will have more spots to download in the morning.  While you're there at BandCamp, go pick up downloads of RMN and Yellow!

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