The Memorial Rainbow

Five and a half hours is a long time to be stuck in LaGuardia. ( Read more... )

So long time no see. ( Read more... )

I think that happiness is overrated.

Now, I’ve spoken on this subject many times before, but this is another time that I am discovering this. The Bible touches on it a lot, how we are supposed to suffer with a smile on our faces. Society tells us that we have to strive to be happy and do what we want. But in reality, what does that lead to? We always keep wishing for something more.

I don’t think it’s about suffering on purpose -- I think that makes you a martyr. But if things are bad you have to know that God is the one orchestrating everything, He’s in charge, and He’s always got your back. So you shouldn’t insist “God is the one doing all these bad things to me,” but you should be able to find peace in the storm and the strength to keep walking in it.

I think I originally got that wrong; always thinking that I had to suffer if I wanted anything good out of life. That it was my destiny to suffer. I can think of any number of verses that distort this. And yeah it goes back to that argument of society’s commercialization versus the path of righteousness, but I think there’s a middle ground there. I also don’t think that you should stay with someone who is clearly hurting you, or a situation where you are being hurt; I think that God wouldn’t give you anything you’re not able to handle -- and that for 100% sure is biblical. The question then is who gives us our troubles? God doesn’t, although He sometimes lets the devil tests us (Job). The rest of troubles are brought about by us, and the sin that happens when we divert from God’s track; take the Dyre Avenue Line, to give an example. That doesn’t mean there’s a direct 100% right way or you die and you’re a (words I can’t type because I’m at work).

The bottom line is: if you lose control, if you’re floating all guru guru and spinning in circles and not really going anywhere, it’s your responsibility to break out of that, to face forward and start going on the right track again. God lets us walk away in order to ultimately bring us closer to Him, in one way, shape, form, or another.

And as I write this, I think I fully understand the meaning of what He wrote. And I think He’s ultimately in charge of this. Not the most conventional way I’d go about the entire thing, but it seems to work. And as we both walk forward on the White Plains Line, I think God will use that link to strengthen both of us; it’s my prayer that He does, at least. I finally realize that I did not choose this; those are powerful words.

So it’s not happiness that I’m an opponent of. It’s the worthless pursuit of making things happen just to make them happen; it’s lethargy, in all its forms (you know who I’m looking at, let the reader understand); it’s the comfort zone of knowing where you want to stay and not striving for more; it’s staying with the person you love because it’s safe, even though they are no longer connected to you. “Why would we rather put ourselves through (heck) than sleep alone at night?” It’s contentness, in all its forms; it’s civil war for the purpose of fighting and fighting alone to cause drama and to shake up the world; it’s trying to solve a problem with registrations and installations you yourself create; it’s waking up earlier than God intended you to.

I always wondered how God could let “that” happen. And yeah, I know I’m here in the city because of it, I know that if everything hadn’t happened the way it did I might not be here. But I might. He knew I loved the city, and even though he was against it, I’m positive he would have embraced it for my sake; but now I’m thinking it was God’s divine intervention to keep him in the place where his heart desired and ultimately has thrived (let the reader understand). And in doing so, He began the path that would ultimately lead me here.

So now what am I doing? Trying to patch together a solution by running wires and manipulating ties? Those who are loudest and push for their own agendas are farthest from God. It’s the quiet ones, the submissive ones, who get it. And I think we could all take a page from that in a way that does make male and female equal. Yes, God created us different, but somewhere along the line people started viewing one skillset as more important than the other, causing the problems we have today. And I have to wonder if this is another example of pushing one’s agenda (furthering a career or traveling around the world or what have you) over God’s. I’m not saying God’s will is the only thing you need to be doing (as that desensitizes the entire situation and makes women objects!) and I’m also not saying that every person on Earth has to become a mindless slave to the system of furthering on our process. Rather, far from it: the process should be as unconventional and as specialized to each person, each area, each country as possible, whether America or Japan, whether Indiana or Arizona or Ohio or wherever.

But I digress. If God calls you to corporate, go corporate. If God calls you home, go home. If God calls you to be a roller coaster, then for goodness sake, be the most awesome roller coaster you can be. One must be flexible and always listening for His voice, steady in their dedication to the track but always willing to move along that clothoid loop, that batwing, that bunny hill or overbanked turn.

But you can’t be content. You can’t sit on your butt and eat ramen for the rest of your life and guru guru. You can’t work at the same restaurant that frustrates you. You can’t refuse something just because you’re scared. And you cannot fail to rise to the occasion to claim what is rightfully yours by birthright, lest you trade it for the soup of contentness and forever fall out of favor.

You can’t fall to your hormones somewhere between Canal and Spring on the N line. No matter how you may protest, subway trains don’t go backwards. To make it work, you have to take the N to 42nd, transfer to the 2, up to 149th Street Grand Concourse where the White Plains Line begins. And once you accept that, once you turn and you don’t look back and you embrace what God has put right in front of you -- instead of trashing it or ignoring it or treating it horrible -- God’s will is made clear, in the form of a mirrored parallel and two hearts becoming one. For what God has brought together, let no man -- or angel -- tear apart.

(stamp) Destiny.

It’s not what you think it is, Oginome.

I guess I can use this as a suitable analogy. One of my favorite anime, Mawaru Penguindrum, features a school girl by the name of Ringo Oginome (her name is Ringo for the same reason that my computer’s name is Ringo). Her older sister, Momoka, died a long time ago before she was born, leaving behind an eerie diary that foretells events that happen. Momoka’s death tore apart her family and those Ringo has come to love, and she senses something’s not right. The way she tries to fix this is by becoming Momoka in her place, recreating the curry her family used to make and trying to get in good with Momoka’s old love interest, to the point where it obsesses her (my associate keeps saying she’s ‘psycho’ but I prefer ‘misunderstood’). See, the problem is that nobody can properly replace Momoka. In order to really make destiny happen, Ringo just needs to be herself and to let those around her (read: Shoma) lead her to that place with sunshine and flowers where she can be truly joyful.

Of course, this IS Penguindrum we’re talking about, let the reader understand. Destiny starts to spin, and until Kanba and Shoma make everything right and bring the truth to light again, it will continue to guru guru for them as well. The theme song even makes reference to this: “destiny begins to spin.”

As it does now.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why the six train is too late.

Each person is different. Each person sees the world differently. Each one of us has our own reality.

Problems arise when realities clash.

You are afraid of me because I’ve hurt you in the past, and you’re afraid I will do it again. But I am afraid of you for the exact same reason. Because we both expect bad things from the other person, we cower in fear, we run away. But I’m the only person you have, you say. No matter what, therefore, you can’t really properly run away.

I’m all you’ve got.

The positions we are in now make it a lot easier, from a vantage point, to decipher what these trying times have meant. And it makes me see that each person does have their own reality. When two realities come together -- when two tracks meet -- we search for ways that our realities match. And we often find things we both like -- Breakfast at Tiffany’s -- and things we’re not so hot on.

And we overlook how the realities clash. At first.

But those are lives, realities, that we have made for ourselves over years and years and years. We are not so easy to budge from our prejudices, things we have been taught, ideals we hold for ourselves, ‘the way things should be.’ This is even more true when the realities clash so hard that it leaves your entire families reeling. What would it be like if I came home with someone from a different country, or race, or gender? What kind of clashes would I have to first overlook before I myself could bring that person home? Should I even do so? Furthermore, should these clashes be avoided at all costs, to make sure there is no hurt done and no feathers ruffled, or should we purposely leave muddy footprints all over ourselves? It’s a question of whether we follow or lead, and there’s not a right answer to either.

The only answer I give then is to choose what you want, and to be unwavering in your conviction for it. Whether that’s a music career or to marry the love of your life, as long as you are dilligent and fulfill your responsibilities to the utmost of your potential, you will live life with no regrets, you will live it in the way you want, and I’m sure God will somehow be pleased.

And one more thing -- do not let harm come to yourself or others. If all you are doing by being with someone is destroying both of you because neither one of you has an appropriate view of their reality, then something must be done.

From here on out, I have to live my life to the best of my reality as possible. But I’m also aware that other people do not share that same reality. It doesn’t mean that they are better and that my reality must mold to theirs (lest I stay worthless) -- it just means that we need to come to an understanding of what this truth, this shared reality, truly is. It means compromise, it means cutting the puffy sleeves off the dress but keeping the dress, it means meeting in the middle ‘neath that old Georgia Pine, it means when she leaves Amarillo to take that job in Tennessee, sometimes you have to quit yours so you two can be together. It also means I need to stop making references to old country songs.

But it means that the two of you create a shared experience, and that’s something nobody in this world can replicate. Your parents may prepare you for the world ahead, but they won’t have quite the hold on your sociology once you leave and discover things for yourself. We all rise, we all fall, and that impacts each and every single one of our realities. And we must decide for each and every one of us what is the truth in our lives.

Now, I’m sure someone is gonna argue me on this one, saying there is only one Truth. Okay. But what will you do if someone dosen’t accept that Truth? Ignore them, shun them, isolate and discriminate against them? Is that okay by your Truth to do that to them? There is no line between slave and free, black and white, male and female. If someone has a different version of reality, get over it.

It’s hard. It’s the most confusing and scary reality I’ve ever faced, one that is so similar and yet so different from mine. I have to play by your rules, by your system, in order for this to work. But I’m willing to.

Are you?

I finished Sever by Lauren DeStefano this morning before I came to Darling Coffee. Lauren's a friend of a friend, which is why I've stuck with the books. I think the plot can be kind of funky sometimes, but her characters are cool and she does have some of the most beautiful writing around.

I'm sitting here now working on organization for Dvorak. I put up the Facebook page earlier today, which will tie directly into this blog. Can't wait so scared.

Today is St. Patrick's Day, which means that everybody always either gets drunk off their rockers or they go around pinching those of us who have neglected to wear green. I got lucky and found my green cargo pants, so I'm covered. (They're olive. It's a shade of green.) I deal enough with the color green on a daily basis; I don't need it to be redefined for twenty four hours. Let's just make it to on-season in one piece -- which around here, is one more week. Luna Park opens the 24th of March.

I've never needed it to open so bad.

In the meantime, the Point opens May 11. It's the only place I'm unsure of as to how I'm gonna visit it this summer; my hope is to cover the Island and Holiday World (my 'new park' for the Grand Master List) after I'm in Indy for Sarah's wedding. But I haven't figured it out, but I'm sure I will. I have to, one way or another. It's imperative. I've been to the Point every single year since I started going to parks. It can't NOT happen; that's kind of impossible.

I'll figure it out.

( Ladies and gentlemen, as you exit, please be careful of the gap between the platform and the train. )

Ladies and Gentlemen, because of a police investigation at 125th Street, there are delays in 4, 5, and 6 trains at this time.

Downtown 4 trains are terminating at 149th Street -- Grand Concourse.
Downtown 6 trains are terminating at Third Ave -- 138th Street.

Uptown 5 trains are running on the 2 line.