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073013 -- So, Takato
Jul. 30th, 2013 01:03 pmSo, Takato.
Man, we really went through a lot of bullshit, didn't we?
I don't know if you'll ever find this. Jeri suggested that I try to mail you directly, but knowing you, you'll never actually open the letter. She's insisted this entire time that I, quote en quote, "have to ask for your forgiveness so both of us can start the process of healing." Well, it's her birthday and she's still not talking to me through the one remaining link I have left to Shinjuku, so...uh, whatever? This is the Digital World, Internet, whatever you call it. You know how to access it.
It's not that I don't care, Takato. Let me explain. And maybe you'll hear me out, I don't know. But I think I'm doing this more for myself than for you.
I was a different person three years ago. After beating the D-Reaper and finding our way back to the Digital World, I got antsy. I wanted to surpass the strength I had felt even then. Jeri says I'm crazy, that I shouldn't pursue such crazy, lofty heights, but that's who I am. That's who I've always been. Becoming the Digimon Queen was a way to cope, but it became my life.
When I met Takuya, when he promised me a source of strength that I could find in myself, I'm surprised you didn't stand up more. You told me that it was wrong of me to go with him, that you couldn't trust me anymore. But you could have done more, Takato. And I now know why you didn't do more: because you weren't supposed to do more.
For this, this is the one apology I can give: I am sorry that you got hurt in all of this. Hurt is something that we as humans try to avoid at all costs, even putting on our Digimon. But our Digimon understand better than we do that hurt is a part of life, something to be accepted and something to grow from, as we grow from Champion to Ultimate to Mega. In that sense, and I told Jeri this, I'm NOT sorry. I'm sure that you have become a better person after everything that happened three years ago...and if you haven't, you are the only person stopping yourself from that. You don't have to find me and talk to me about it, just like I don't have to go to your doorstep and beg for forgiveness.
Because, truth be told, I never want to return to Shinjuku.
Takuya and I took to the Digital World after I left Shinjuku. We never went to Shibuya. That was Takuya's decision. His will was strong, something I even couldn't find my way around. He was so strong that he would always be off by himself, trying to be strong and fight for himself. I grew frustrated when I couldn't help him with his problems.
So I hid the only way I knew how: I became stronger myself. Digimon from all around would come to challenge Renamon and myself, and while we never deleted any of them, Renamon did become stronger. It made me realize that perhaps our Digimon are not only packets of data, but representations of ourselves, and why would I have left Shinjuku for someone who didn't even have his own?
When Renamon got pulled into a portal, I followed her into another dimension of our real world. There's an Odaiba in our Tokyo, but it's nothing like this Odaiba. I started to look for people who might know about Digimon and ran into a kid named Davis, who has his own Digimon. I mentioned to him that I was looking for the strongest Digimon Tamer around, and he said he didn't know what I was talking about, but I was probably talking about his friend Tai.
I can't properly explain what I felt when I met Tai. It was kind of akin to opening a door and finally realizing you were home, that every place before that had NOT been home and had just been masquerading, had just been one big lie.
Takuya did find his way through the matrix, by the way. I broke up with him before I met Tai, back when it was just me, Davis, and his friends T.K. and Kari hanging out. Kari is Tai's sister, but I swear, unlike what you probably think of me, that's the closest I got.
I was finally able to figure out that while I've always wanted to be strong, I've been afraid of my strength as well. When I met people, I began to like them and wanted to incorporate their strengths into my own personality. But the world isn't that simple, Takato, and I ended up dating who I wanted to be instead.
Thing is, unlike Takuya, Tai never takes anything seriously. He'll insist the proper way to fix something is to just hit it some more. But he knew from the beginning that this was long-haul. We train with Agumon and Renamon all the time, and I have to find a way to mess with his Digivice so he can biomerge as well. As for real-life biomerging? Let's not even GO there. (wink wink)
I like it here in Odaiba. I'm going to stay. And I don't feel like I need to apologize for my actions. I do apologize for hurting you, but it was only through that hurt that we could both become better people. To forgive and to forget is to make that pain less than it is, to pass it off as something trivial, to go back to the past and start all over. To erase the pain. I don't want to erase the pain. I just want to be me, with Renamon, and Tai and Davis and everybody here.
I just want you to be happy, Takato. And I hope you are.
Sincerely,
Rika
P.S. That's TOTALLY me in the Zero Two finale. BOO YEAH!
Man, we really went through a lot of bullshit, didn't we?
I don't know if you'll ever find this. Jeri suggested that I try to mail you directly, but knowing you, you'll never actually open the letter. She's insisted this entire time that I, quote en quote, "have to ask for your forgiveness so both of us can start the process of healing." Well, it's her birthday and she's still not talking to me through the one remaining link I have left to Shinjuku, so...uh, whatever? This is the Digital World, Internet, whatever you call it. You know how to access it.
It's not that I don't care, Takato. Let me explain. And maybe you'll hear me out, I don't know. But I think I'm doing this more for myself than for you.
I was a different person three years ago. After beating the D-Reaper and finding our way back to the Digital World, I got antsy. I wanted to surpass the strength I had felt even then. Jeri says I'm crazy, that I shouldn't pursue such crazy, lofty heights, but that's who I am. That's who I've always been. Becoming the Digimon Queen was a way to cope, but it became my life.
When I met Takuya, when he promised me a source of strength that I could find in myself, I'm surprised you didn't stand up more. You told me that it was wrong of me to go with him, that you couldn't trust me anymore. But you could have done more, Takato. And I now know why you didn't do more: because you weren't supposed to do more.
For this, this is the one apology I can give: I am sorry that you got hurt in all of this. Hurt is something that we as humans try to avoid at all costs, even putting on our Digimon. But our Digimon understand better than we do that hurt is a part of life, something to be accepted and something to grow from, as we grow from Champion to Ultimate to Mega. In that sense, and I told Jeri this, I'm NOT sorry. I'm sure that you have become a better person after everything that happened three years ago...and if you haven't, you are the only person stopping yourself from that. You don't have to find me and talk to me about it, just like I don't have to go to your doorstep and beg for forgiveness.
Because, truth be told, I never want to return to Shinjuku.
Takuya and I took to the Digital World after I left Shinjuku. We never went to Shibuya. That was Takuya's decision. His will was strong, something I even couldn't find my way around. He was so strong that he would always be off by himself, trying to be strong and fight for himself. I grew frustrated when I couldn't help him with his problems.
So I hid the only way I knew how: I became stronger myself. Digimon from all around would come to challenge Renamon and myself, and while we never deleted any of them, Renamon did become stronger. It made me realize that perhaps our Digimon are not only packets of data, but representations of ourselves, and why would I have left Shinjuku for someone who didn't even have his own?
When Renamon got pulled into a portal, I followed her into another dimension of our real world. There's an Odaiba in our Tokyo, but it's nothing like this Odaiba. I started to look for people who might know about Digimon and ran into a kid named Davis, who has his own Digimon. I mentioned to him that I was looking for the strongest Digimon Tamer around, and he said he didn't know what I was talking about, but I was probably talking about his friend Tai.
I can't properly explain what I felt when I met Tai. It was kind of akin to opening a door and finally realizing you were home, that every place before that had NOT been home and had just been masquerading, had just been one big lie.
Takuya did find his way through the matrix, by the way. I broke up with him before I met Tai, back when it was just me, Davis, and his friends T.K. and Kari hanging out. Kari is Tai's sister, but I swear, unlike what you probably think of me, that's the closest I got.
I was finally able to figure out that while I've always wanted to be strong, I've been afraid of my strength as well. When I met people, I began to like them and wanted to incorporate their strengths into my own personality. But the world isn't that simple, Takato, and I ended up dating who I wanted to be instead.
Thing is, unlike Takuya, Tai never takes anything seriously. He'll insist the proper way to fix something is to just hit it some more. But he knew from the beginning that this was long-haul. We train with Agumon and Renamon all the time, and I have to find a way to mess with his Digivice so he can biomerge as well. As for real-life biomerging? Let's not even GO there. (wink wink)
I like it here in Odaiba. I'm going to stay. And I don't feel like I need to apologize for my actions. I do apologize for hurting you, but it was only through that hurt that we could both become better people. To forgive and to forget is to make that pain less than it is, to pass it off as something trivial, to go back to the past and start all over. To erase the pain. I don't want to erase the pain. I just want to be me, with Renamon, and Tai and Davis and everybody here.
I just want you to be happy, Takato. And I hope you are.
Sincerely,
Rika
P.S. That's TOTALLY me in the Zero Two finale. BOO YEAH!
