073111 -- Panick

Panic is fine. Panic is okay. Panick, however, is a completely different story. Most people who know me know the difference by now -- panic is normal panic, you have a project due at two and it's almost done, or stuck in a traffic jam and you're five minutes behind. "Panick" with a K is a completely different, specific to Emily type of panick. This panick is not only stressful, but self-denying. "Oh, crap! I have all this stuff to do before I move! I'm never going to make it! I shouldn't do this." The self-denial is special to the extra K.

How do I get around this panick? I usually wait it off, though it's always waiting for me. It's hard for me to be completely confident about something, because that panick is in the background. Case in point -- moving to NYC. I know I want to do it. But every piece of my mind is telling me that it's wrong, that it's a bad idea, that I should just stay here.

I really need to think with my heart more often. :S