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Is it Monday yet? Are we good? Good. Phew. Just checking, because I've been waiting to write this entry for at least two weeks now.
First up, for those who have been following Blue Impulse's progress, I put up the back cover on DA for your use. Click the image and it'll take you there. I know some people have been waiting to see it (coughDylancough), so it's official! I might tweak a few details with the covers before everything is said and done, but I'm rather pleased with the way they came out. The only concern I have now is that, since the book will look like a video game case, I have to do a spine. The last time I did a spine, I had white edges on my book, and it was horrid and unprofessional. Needless to say, I'm a bit scared. Wish me luck?
And now for something I've been anxious about blogging for, as I said, the past two weeks or so.
Elana Johnson just released her second book in her Possession series, entitled "Surrender." She asked us bloggers to blog about a time when we didn't surrender. I will be the first to admit: I am desperately trying to get a hold of both of Elana's books. (I am headed on a library hunt tomorrow.) I had seen her books before, but if it weren't for the AMAZING AND ALL POWERFUL BETH REVIS I probably would have totally missed this opportunity. (Thanks, Beth.)
So, a time when I didn't surrender. Elana said to pick something from our lives where we stood strong and never faltered, a story of inspiration.
The problem with this is that I'm living it right now.
In July of 2011, I made a radical life decision to move to New York City from small-town Ohio. I made all of the arrangements in a month and a half and started my new job at the beginning of September. I had always wanted to move to NYC, but circumstances beyond my control (read: fear) prevented me from doing so. I didn't have enough money. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't prepared enough. I would be a single white female in a big scary city. But something so crazy and insane happened last July, something that I can't possibly tell you about.
Or maybe I can.
I have a friend. I can't say their name, I can't give their profession, I can't give any details. But I have a friend who means the world to me. A friend who taught me that, every time I thought I was alone in life, I haven't been. I've always had friends and family by my side. That friend lives here in New York City as well, and I came to visit them mid-July. Shortly after my visit, my contact with them completely stopped. They were a missing person, MIA. I found out that they were in some serious deep trouble. Again, I can't be specific, I can't say what kind of trouble. But it escalated to the point quickly where if I did not come to New York City, I would never see them again.
That is why I came to New York. It's always been my dream, yes. But lesson B in today's blog is this, folks: if you have somebody whom you really care for and something happens to them, fight for them as long and as hard as you can. You only live once, and if it means moving across the country to help them (let's hope it doesn't), go for it. But don't go for it just for them. Go for it because they are the ones who help your life make sense, who give it meaning, who make it blossom into color.
Okay, enough of a very, very vague lesson B. One way or another, I got to NYC, living in an apartment outside of my budget, traveling two hours one way to get to my job. My commute involved a train ride, a boat ride, and a short bus commute, and that's just one way. There were several circumstances that built upon each other, and I was finally offered a creative position with a start up. I left my job and the commute (which had grown to three hours due to weekend subway construction). I hoped it would give me some reprieve.
That was the end of April. It's now starting to be the middle of June. I am effectively unemployed and cannot apply for unemployment since I left my job. I have not given up on this position. Every time I call them, they say it's still happening. I am finding other ways to make money in the meantime, though they are small. Now, watch it, I'm not throwing a pity party or using shameless self-promotion here. This is just the way it is right now.
And the way it is right now is that the nights are the worst. They are dark, and lonely, and it's just me in this messy twenty third story room, alone with myself and the voices in my head. Voices telling me I should go back to my other job, even though they're not hiring. The voice of my parents saying it's time to give up, that summer vacation doesn't happen to "real" people. (Sorry if you're reading this, Mom. I'm trying to make a point.) The days are sometimes better. Sometimes. I've been rating my days from 0 to 10, 10 being "walking on clouds" and 0 being "I hate myself." Today was a 7.5. Yesterday was a 2.
But I am not dead. Life will get better. I'm young. I have so much time, as Marina Keegan reminded us. I look out my window and see the buildings of New York City and remember that it's just out there. It's just out there, waiting for me. And I can either sit in this room and sleep in and be lethargic and sorry for myself or I can get up and do something about it. I can either fret about the fact that I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from, or I can go write.
Frequent readers know I'm mid-Camp NaNoWriMo right now. I love NaNo every November, and I typically don't do it in other months, but Blue Impulse seized me around the proverbial neck and wouldn't let go. And I'm glad it hasn't, because while it looks like a story about video games, it takes in elements from my own personal story and spins them in a new light. It's not directly autobiographical; I 'write what I know.' The main character, Miranda, is very much a victim of her circumstances -- small town girl with mother who seemingly only wants the best for her, with little regard to her own individual choices -- but it takes her a long time to break free from the chains she has placed on herself. The story is told in a set of flashbacks going back and forth, from New York City 2010 to Zanesville, Ohio, 2004. (I didn't mean to do that. I hate writing about Zanesville. It just lent itself well, like Cedar Point did for Cosmic.) It takes Miranda more than six years to escape from her demons, and her story doesn't end with the last page.
Neither does yours. Neither does mine. If there are demons that threaten you, rise up from your bed. Get out of your stuffy apartment, or house, or desk cubicle, or wherever you are. Believe that you can trust yourself, that the move was a good idea, that tomorrow will be a better day. But be on the move. Go to your happy place, a place where you know you can be free, undisturbed, but still open. It may be a couch, or a favorite car, or a park. My happy place is 96th and Park Avenue, three blocks from here. There is a little strip of park there with trees and benches, and beyond that to the northern horizon, the Metro-North train tracks go elevated. One can stand there and watch the trains come in and out of the city, headed out to places unknown, headed in to Grand Central, fifty blocks south.
If you have a happy object, take it with you. Something that brings you comfort, like a security blanket or a can of Mountain Dew. My security item is my copy of Across The Universe by Beth Revis. Beth is someone whom I admire, not just because I can but because she really is a story of someone not giving up. This isn't cross promotion, I swear. I've met her in person, and she really is this awesome. She signed my copy of AtU, giving me good luck with my books. I was mid-Cosmic rewrite at the time, still working at the job that ate all of my free time. The sky didn't look any clearer from there than it did now, I suppose.
The world continues to turn. It rains. A lot. I wake up, I force myself to eat, I write until my fingers bleed, I sleep. I don't know how I'm going to eat tomorrow, much less make it to Ohio in July for a wedding I'm playing for. But I have faith, I have hope, and I have my books. Right now, that's all I've got going for me. But I will not give up. I will not force myself back into a job that hates me. I will not move back to Ohio. My good friend got me here, and I have realized that it truly is my dream to live in New York. I am staying, no matter what.
The name of the flag I wave is "Dreamer." It is not a white flag, but rather a purple one, a royal color to be waved in celebration. A flag that says "I will not give up in what I believe in. I will never surrender."
Okay, before I either A: bore you all to death or B: cry my eyes out some more, I'm going to leave you with one more quick thing. The YouTube video below is a promotional video for Tokyo DisneySea, a theme park in Japan. (The amusement park junkie strikes again!) The reason I'm posting it is not only because the video's really cool, but because the song is one of my favorites. My favorite line from the song is the one right before the final chorus, the one that says "The name of the flag I wave is 'Dreamer.'" I use that line all the time now, and it just came out naturally in my blog post, so I felt I had to share the song with you. It's mostly in Japanese, although some lyrics are in English as well; it's also the official video, not a fanmade production. I hope you enjoy it. :)
Are we done yet? Good.
First up, for those who have been following Blue Impulse's progress, I put up the back cover on DA for your use. Click the image and it'll take you there. I know some people have been waiting to see it (coughDylancough), so it's official! I might tweak a few details with the covers before everything is said and done, but I'm rather pleased with the way they came out. The only concern I have now is that, since the book will look like a video game case, I have to do a spine. The last time I did a spine, I had white edges on my book, and it was horrid and unprofessional. Needless to say, I'm a bit scared. Wish me luck?And now for something I've been anxious about blogging for, as I said, the past two weeks or so.
Elana Johnson just released her second book in her Possession series, entitled "Surrender." She asked us bloggers to blog about a time when we didn't surrender. I will be the first to admit: I am desperately trying to get a hold of both of Elana's books. (I am headed on a library hunt tomorrow.) I had seen her books before, but if it weren't for the AMAZING AND ALL POWERFUL BETH REVIS I probably would have totally missed this opportunity. (Thanks, Beth.)So, a time when I didn't surrender. Elana said to pick something from our lives where we stood strong and never faltered, a story of inspiration.
The problem with this is that I'm living it right now.
In July of 2011, I made a radical life decision to move to New York City from small-town Ohio. I made all of the arrangements in a month and a half and started my new job at the beginning of September. I had always wanted to move to NYC, but circumstances beyond my control (read: fear) prevented me from doing so. I didn't have enough money. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't prepared enough. I would be a single white female in a big scary city. But something so crazy and insane happened last July, something that I can't possibly tell you about.
Or maybe I can.
I have a friend. I can't say their name, I can't give their profession, I can't give any details. But I have a friend who means the world to me. A friend who taught me that, every time I thought I was alone in life, I haven't been. I've always had friends and family by my side. That friend lives here in New York City as well, and I came to visit them mid-July. Shortly after my visit, my contact with them completely stopped. They were a missing person, MIA. I found out that they were in some serious deep trouble. Again, I can't be specific, I can't say what kind of trouble. But it escalated to the point quickly where if I did not come to New York City, I would never see them again.
That is why I came to New York. It's always been my dream, yes. But lesson B in today's blog is this, folks: if you have somebody whom you really care for and something happens to them, fight for them as long and as hard as you can. You only live once, and if it means moving across the country to help them (let's hope it doesn't), go for it. But don't go for it just for them. Go for it because they are the ones who help your life make sense, who give it meaning, who make it blossom into color.
Okay, enough of a very, very vague lesson B. One way or another, I got to NYC, living in an apartment outside of my budget, traveling two hours one way to get to my job. My commute involved a train ride, a boat ride, and a short bus commute, and that's just one way. There were several circumstances that built upon each other, and I was finally offered a creative position with a start up. I left my job and the commute (which had grown to three hours due to weekend subway construction). I hoped it would give me some reprieve.
That was the end of April. It's now starting to be the middle of June. I am effectively unemployed and cannot apply for unemployment since I left my job. I have not given up on this position. Every time I call them, they say it's still happening. I am finding other ways to make money in the meantime, though they are small. Now, watch it, I'm not throwing a pity party or using shameless self-promotion here. This is just the way it is right now.
And the way it is right now is that the nights are the worst. They are dark, and lonely, and it's just me in this messy twenty third story room, alone with myself and the voices in my head. Voices telling me I should go back to my other job, even though they're not hiring. The voice of my parents saying it's time to give up, that summer vacation doesn't happen to "real" people. (Sorry if you're reading this, Mom. I'm trying to make a point.) The days are sometimes better. Sometimes. I've been rating my days from 0 to 10, 10 being "walking on clouds" and 0 being "I hate myself." Today was a 7.5. Yesterday was a 2.
But I am not dead. Life will get better. I'm young. I have so much time, as Marina Keegan reminded us. I look out my window and see the buildings of New York City and remember that it's just out there. It's just out there, waiting for me. And I can either sit in this room and sleep in and be lethargic and sorry for myself or I can get up and do something about it. I can either fret about the fact that I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from, or I can go write.
Frequent readers know I'm mid-Camp NaNoWriMo right now. I love NaNo every November, and I typically don't do it in other months, but Blue Impulse seized me around the proverbial neck and wouldn't let go. And I'm glad it hasn't, because while it looks like a story about video games, it takes in elements from my own personal story and spins them in a new light. It's not directly autobiographical; I 'write what I know.' The main character, Miranda, is very much a victim of her circumstances -- small town girl with mother who seemingly only wants the best for her, with little regard to her own individual choices -- but it takes her a long time to break free from the chains she has placed on herself. The story is told in a set of flashbacks going back and forth, from New York City 2010 to Zanesville, Ohio, 2004. (I didn't mean to do that. I hate writing about Zanesville. It just lent itself well, like Cedar Point did for Cosmic.) It takes Miranda more than six years to escape from her demons, and her story doesn't end with the last page.
Neither does yours. Neither does mine. If there are demons that threaten you, rise up from your bed. Get out of your stuffy apartment, or house, or desk cubicle, or wherever you are. Believe that you can trust yourself, that the move was a good idea, that tomorrow will be a better day. But be on the move. Go to your happy place, a place where you know you can be free, undisturbed, but still open. It may be a couch, or a favorite car, or a park. My happy place is 96th and Park Avenue, three blocks from here. There is a little strip of park there with trees and benches, and beyond that to the northern horizon, the Metro-North train tracks go elevated. One can stand there and watch the trains come in and out of the city, headed out to places unknown, headed in to Grand Central, fifty blocks south.
If you have a happy object, take it with you. Something that brings you comfort, like a security blanket or a can of Mountain Dew. My security item is my copy of Across The Universe by Beth Revis. Beth is someone whom I admire, not just because I can but because she really is a story of someone not giving up. This isn't cross promotion, I swear. I've met her in person, and she really is this awesome. She signed my copy of AtU, giving me good luck with my books. I was mid-Cosmic rewrite at the time, still working at the job that ate all of my free time. The sky didn't look any clearer from there than it did now, I suppose.
The world continues to turn. It rains. A lot. I wake up, I force myself to eat, I write until my fingers bleed, I sleep. I don't know how I'm going to eat tomorrow, much less make it to Ohio in July for a wedding I'm playing for. But I have faith, I have hope, and I have my books. Right now, that's all I've got going for me. But I will not give up. I will not force myself back into a job that hates me. I will not move back to Ohio. My good friend got me here, and I have realized that it truly is my dream to live in New York. I am staying, no matter what.
The name of the flag I wave is "Dreamer." It is not a white flag, but rather a purple one, a royal color to be waved in celebration. A flag that says "I will not give up in what I believe in. I will never surrender."
Okay, before I either A: bore you all to death or B: cry my eyes out some more, I'm going to leave you with one more quick thing. The YouTube video below is a promotional video for Tokyo DisneySea, a theme park in Japan. (The amusement park junkie strikes again!) The reason I'm posting it is not only because the video's really cool, but because the song is one of my favorites. My favorite line from the song is the one right before the final chorus, the one that says "The name of the flag I wave is 'Dreamer.'" I use that line all the time now, and it just came out naturally in my blog post, so I felt I had to share the song with you. It's mostly in Japanese, although some lyrics are in English as well; it's also the official video, not a fanmade production. I hope you enjoy it. :)
Are we done yet? Good.
