memorialrainbow | 050611 -- Foowah

Ringo 2.0 booted Dylan's password. GRR! I hate you, Miami internet.

So this will only be a quick update from the Shriver student center, considering that the internet hates me and I'm not actually really a student anymore. There's so much to think about, but it's already leaving my head. Who I am now, who I once was, and who an inspiration can truly be in somebody's life. I can't control how God uses me. You know how crazy that is? I can put together all these plans, say that God is gonna use me this way and this way, that God's gifts will be used by me this way and this way, but the true beauty happens when you use God's gifts His way. And even then, He can plan some crazy things that you don't even expect.

If the road ends, I know where to jump.

I've wanted to bring closure to a lot of things at Miami. So far, I've been doing pretty good. There are a few loose ends that I still want to tie up, and there's one in particular whom I've got to go talk to somebody in person about it -- and they're not here in Oxford. That one's going to be fun. It might be over Skype or AOL or something, and hopefully they don't yell too much at me. But if this person really loves me -- and they do -- they'll understand.

I'm 23. That's weird. I definitely don't feel like a girl now, like I graduated up to woman or something. Freakiness.

It's these sunny days in Oxford that I love the most. That blue sky, full of potential.

I told Jake that I seriously couldn't have moved anywhere right after graduation. Looking back now, I can see that. If I had moved anywhere, I would have just been running away from all of the problems I had created. Now, bit by bit, I'm going back, fixing things, rewriting them. It's kind of like how I'm re-doing The Maristar Project right now. I read a section, and I break it down. Some sections i completely rewrite. Others I just fix typos, word order, and other biffs like that. But the story is something new. Instead of erasing memories, you rewrite them and create a better future.

Perhaps that's why we do kakuro in pencil.

I can't say what the future holds. But I know it's bright, and I know I'm not running away anymore. I need time to remember just exactly who I am, girl on fire, stardust, bright as the sky but not actually the sky itself. I'm not running away anymore. It's all going to be fine.

I better find Dylan so I can upload this. Here, Dylan, have some puppies.