090812 -- Apology Accepted
Sep. 8th, 2012 11:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
memorialrainbowWhoo! That was a fun week -- NOT.
I stumbled through it. I felt like crap. I locked myself in my bedroom, walked home from Starbucks in a daze, treated those I loved like crap. Knocked on windows, disturbed the peace, misunderstood. Hated pretty much everything.
WELL. Now that I have gotten all of that bitchiness out of my system, I could either sit around and apologize for it, or I could stop being sorry and make awesome shit happen. I think I'm going to go with the latter.
I've always used it as a weakness, a place I can run. I figured if I felt bad about myself, if I punished myself, someone else would save me. I've written about this time and time again. It's a problem I'm aware of, a habit that for once I'm actually doing pretty good at kicking. I only need myself. (As I start to realize what the entire problem has been with this week. I'm not mentioning it here, but if you've spent any time around me this week, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.)
Thankfully all of that insanity is ending today, and hopefully I can go back into the studio without being a soppy, crying mess. Hopefully.
What does it take to be strong in this day and age? What is the true meaning of strength? To be a little braver, to be selfish? You taught me these things, and I threw them all away. I won't apologize. I won't say I'm sorry. Because I know you forgive me. I'm just going to show up, put it all behind me, and deliver.
I can live my life now because of you.
No amount of music can thank you enough.
That said, I can't forget who I am. What my missing piece is. Why I like writing so much, and what my personal and professional goals are for that. I think as long as I can keep running toward October with my head high and my computer under my arm, I think magical things will happen. I already know they're starting to.
Let's make something happen, y'all.
I stumbled through it. I felt like crap. I locked myself in my bedroom, walked home from Starbucks in a daze, treated those I loved like crap. Knocked on windows, disturbed the peace, misunderstood. Hated pretty much everything.
WELL. Now that I have gotten all of that bitchiness out of my system, I could either sit around and apologize for it, or I could stop being sorry and make awesome shit happen. I think I'm going to go with the latter.
I've always used it as a weakness, a place I can run. I figured if I felt bad about myself, if I punished myself, someone else would save me. I've written about this time and time again. It's a problem I'm aware of, a habit that for once I'm actually doing pretty good at kicking. I only need myself. (As I start to realize what the entire problem has been with this week. I'm not mentioning it here, but if you've spent any time around me this week, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.)
Thankfully all of that insanity is ending today, and hopefully I can go back into the studio without being a soppy, crying mess. Hopefully.
What does it take to be strong in this day and age? What is the true meaning of strength? To be a little braver, to be selfish? You taught me these things, and I threw them all away. I won't apologize. I won't say I'm sorry. Because I know you forgive me. I'm just going to show up, put it all behind me, and deliver.
I can live my life now because of you.
No amount of music can thank you enough.
That said, I can't forget who I am. What my missing piece is. Why I like writing so much, and what my personal and professional goals are for that. I think as long as I can keep running toward October with my head high and my computer under my arm, I think magical things will happen. I already know they're starting to.
Let's make something happen, y'all.
