052211 -- Continued Thoughts

Pulled open Photoshop; I might try to draw something before I go to bed. Coney Island is on my mind a lot. It depresses me; I should quit, think about Kings Island or Cedar Point or something. Why do I do this to myself?

Careers scare the flying crap out of me. And I think part of it is that, as a kid, I figured that my parents would take care of everything. And they did. Until they stopped doing it. Every time I tried to do something on my own, they would either take care of it or tell me I couldn't, and I would go back into my 'good girl' persona. Until last July, when they moved me out and I was on my own. I've done better, but it's been rough. I still want to move this summer. I want to find a career in something I like (career being used lightly, of course). Perhaps I could work with coasters. Or music. Or writing. Any industry scares me, though. They hold so much power. I don't know where to get started. I'm afraid. Not 'hide under my bed' afraid, especially with Dylan.

What am I going to do all summer? Perhaps write and make music like crazy, hide away in my hideaway, and then when the sun comes out again I can focus from there. I'm glad I have a job at this point.

I want a hug.

052311

This still kind of bites. I woke up this morning and it was silent. Gosh darn you Dylan for leaving me here. You're supposed to be cleaning my house or something when I wake up at three, not gone. How am I going to survive this summer? I suppose I'll live with it. I always have.

I need a shower.

I suppose I should start packing up some random things in my apartment. I don't know what I'm going to do after Dylan gets out of Jersey. I feel like I should be making my own plans, going to Charlotte like I wanted to. It's so pretty outside. I want to go out there. There's a pool in Newark that I really want to go to, not today, obviously, but sometimes over the summer. It'll probably cost $10 a day, but it's got the works, so I'm not complaining. I mean, come on, you'd pay $10 to go on water slides and a lazy river. This place is hooked up.

Perhaps I will go outside and relax, have some fun...and then do the thing that I also wanted to do today. I don't know, I wish I could take painting to work again...I did once, but the fumes got to me.

Made a new icon last night; that's the Coney Island Thunderbolt, OFF/Track version.

Why is life so wonderful?