022412 -- This Is What Dreams Are Made Of
Feb. 24th, 2012 07:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
memorialrainbowSo yeah, before I get into this doozy of a blog entry, I'd like to introduce you to my book.
It's available as a free download as an .EPUB now; it's been submitted for Nook and iBookstore distribution, all free of charge. (Kindle hates me -- it's ninety nine cents up there.) The book will remain up for you to read until about mid-May or so, at which point I'll take it down to revise and get the final version. At which point I will try to forward it to the right people. And I will pray. And maybe something will happen. More than likely, it won't.
Maybe I'm just being all time-of-the-monthlike. I know I'm not scared. Okay. I lied. I'm totally scared. I want to run and never look back. I really want to go to bed right now, because I'm starting to get a headache again. I don't know how to have an actual day off. I'm always the one who keeps busy and doesn't stop. I even started working on an old book again today, and I re-edited about the first twenty five pages or so before I realized how long I had been sitting at the Secret Starbucks, freezing my butt off and pouring over my computer that refuses to move as fast as it did. (Ringo and I are in denial. I still want my new desktop.)
I don't want to go home tonight. I just want to sleep over here, to relax and be anywhere but where I've chosen to be. God, though, I realized I left my work notebook at home, and I'll probably need it in the morning. Maybe. Maybe I'll just do without it. I hope Dylan walks me part of the way home. I realized I don't have any food for lunch tomorrow, either.
I'm just tired.
My mind has been going crazy since I finished the book. It's been all, great, what next? And I've been hesitant to work on anything as far as a sequel, because I want the first one done and sold and out there before I get there. I am kind of working on a small side story, but nothing more than that (and it's more background than anything). I've been trying to think of what to work on next, and it's been taking me back to who I used to be. But more about that in a few minutes.
Last Friday morning after I woke up, I rolled over and checked my Twitter feed. Beth Revis had updated her own feed, saying she was going to NYC that night as part of a tour. And it took me a few minutes to realize that, hey, <i> I live in the most populous city in the country. </i> And I had this Friday off, and my new favorite author was going to be here, tonight.
I cried all the way down from Dylan's place to my apartment. One of my regrets is that I never got to meet Brian, and now I was getting to meet Beth. I was super-nervous, but Dylan dragged me over. She signed my copy of Across the Universe, the one I got the night I knew I wanted to be a writer. I'll never get that experience back.
But it's gotten me thinking about my writing. I don't want to stop. I want to continue writing, no matter what happens. And it makes me think about the last time I wrote like this, the last time I was so inspired to write. I thought about what I would want to write next, and it made me realize I've been running from something really important.
I've been running from a story. From characters who won't leave me alone, years and years after I dumped them. Or did I dump them? It's a bit complicated. Places come back to me. Songs remind me of times that have passed, times before my life spiraled out of control. It was a place to hide, but more than that...it was a place to flourish, to grow. A place to explore. The Underground. All of those times, when I was writing before, I wasn't running away from the 'musician' or the person I was supposed to be. I was building my craft. I was doing what I was supposed to do. All of this time that I've spent fooling around and hiding behind my blanket and making bad relationship decisions and blaming myself for every little thing -- all of that is a waste of time!
So for those of you who are going to hate what I'm going to do...because there will be you. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. But I came on this journey to find myself, to rescue myself, the most important person, and I've found that. It's taken me so long to get to this point. I'm kind of a late bloomer. But I'm right where I need to be. I'm finding my way back, and when I got there, somebody unexpected was waiting for me.
A friend. Someone who reads a lot. Someone who became my muse, even for just a short time. A character of mine, who was also out of step with their surroundings, who felt alone but had parents who trusted and taught them, showed them the way. Whose destiny was bigger than themselves, who found true love, and their destiny that was so different than what they had anticipated. I don't know why, but perhaps I foretold the future with this character.
Who are they? I'll have to show you later. I have some old records to dig up. Or maybe I'll just create some new ones.
Goodnight, moon.
Hope is what I have, and what I have
But is my power near enough?
Is love enough for destiny?
And I -- what can I say of me?
It's available as a free download as an .EPUB now; it's been submitted for Nook and iBookstore distribution, all free of charge. (Kindle hates me -- it's ninety nine cents up there.) The book will remain up for you to read until about mid-May or so, at which point I'll take it down to revise and get the final version. At which point I will try to forward it to the right people. And I will pray. And maybe something will happen. More than likely, it won't.
Maybe I'm just being all time-of-the-monthlike. I know I'm not scared. Okay. I lied. I'm totally scared. I want to run and never look back. I really want to go to bed right now, because I'm starting to get a headache again. I don't know how to have an actual day off. I'm always the one who keeps busy and doesn't stop. I even started working on an old book again today, and I re-edited about the first twenty five pages or so before I realized how long I had been sitting at the Secret Starbucks, freezing my butt off and pouring over my computer that refuses to move as fast as it did. (Ringo and I are in denial. I still want my new desktop.)
I don't want to go home tonight. I just want to sleep over here, to relax and be anywhere but where I've chosen to be. God, though, I realized I left my work notebook at home, and I'll probably need it in the morning. Maybe. Maybe I'll just do without it. I hope Dylan walks me part of the way home. I realized I don't have any food for lunch tomorrow, either.
I'm just tired.
My mind has been going crazy since I finished the book. It's been all, great, what next? And I've been hesitant to work on anything as far as a sequel, because I want the first one done and sold and out there before I get there. I am kind of working on a small side story, but nothing more than that (and it's more background than anything). I've been trying to think of what to work on next, and it's been taking me back to who I used to be. But more about that in a few minutes.
Last Friday morning after I woke up, I rolled over and checked my Twitter feed. Beth Revis had updated her own feed, saying she was going to NYC that night as part of a tour. And it took me a few minutes to realize that, hey, <i> I live in the most populous city in the country. </i> And I had this Friday off, and my new favorite author was going to be here, tonight.
I cried all the way down from Dylan's place to my apartment. One of my regrets is that I never got to meet Brian, and now I was getting to meet Beth. I was super-nervous, but Dylan dragged me over. She signed my copy of Across the Universe, the one I got the night I knew I wanted to be a writer. I'll never get that experience back.
But it's gotten me thinking about my writing. I don't want to stop. I want to continue writing, no matter what happens. And it makes me think about the last time I wrote like this, the last time I was so inspired to write. I thought about what I would want to write next, and it made me realize I've been running from something really important.
I've been running from a story. From characters who won't leave me alone, years and years after I dumped them. Or did I dump them? It's a bit complicated. Places come back to me. Songs remind me of times that have passed, times before my life spiraled out of control. It was a place to hide, but more than that...it was a place to flourish, to grow. A place to explore. The Underground. All of those times, when I was writing before, I wasn't running away from the 'musician' or the person I was supposed to be. I was building my craft. I was doing what I was supposed to do. All of this time that I've spent fooling around and hiding behind my blanket and making bad relationship decisions and blaming myself for every little thing -- all of that is a waste of time!
So for those of you who are going to hate what I'm going to do...because there will be you. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. But I came on this journey to find myself, to rescue myself, the most important person, and I've found that. It's taken me so long to get to this point. I'm kind of a late bloomer. But I'm right where I need to be. I'm finding my way back, and when I got there, somebody unexpected was waiting for me.
A friend. Someone who reads a lot. Someone who became my muse, even for just a short time. A character of mine, who was also out of step with their surroundings, who felt alone but had parents who trusted and taught them, showed them the way. Whose destiny was bigger than themselves, who found true love, and their destiny that was so different than what they had anticipated. I don't know why, but perhaps I foretold the future with this character.
Who are they? I'll have to show you later. I have some old records to dig up. Or maybe I'll just create some new ones.
Goodnight, moon.
Hope is what I have, and what I have
But is my power near enough?
Is love enough for destiny?
And I -- what can I say of me?
no subject
Date: 2012-02-25 10:01 pm (UTC)Ooh! Kaleidoscope just came on the Ayu album you gave me! XD
You missed a in your fifth paragraph btw.
For those of you who are going to hate what she's going to do...because there will be you...I will kick you all in the testicles...or punch you in the boob.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-25 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-27 04:30 am (UTC)