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memorialrainbowToday is just one of those days. Or maybe it's one of those moments. Those moments that sneak up on you and grab you around the neck, bringing you down and drowning you in a sea of despair.
You always think you're done with it. And maybe sometimes you have that luxury. But more often than not, depression is just around the corner again.
I'm not going to lie and say that everything is always sun and rainbows for me. There are times when this blog gets rather dark. Bipolar, even. It doesn't mean I need medicated; I just think it means I'm human. As someone who is in charge of my books, in charge of my brand, it's hard for me to be human as well.
But human is what I must be. To refuse to do that is to accept that I am a doll. I would be better off back in Ohio, content and married and creating little books of happiness and joy only for myself to see. But no, I wanted more than that. And so, my wings took flight, and I landed on top of a dream that carried me far away. I didn't yet know then where that dream would lead, but I didn't care at the moment.
Now I care.
When you're twenty four years old and you're on your own, you shouldn't be spending your days degrading yourself. And yet, that's exactly what I had been doing. So I quit. I couldn't stay there, at my old job, no matter how you slice it. And that may make me illegal, a drifter, in between for right now. The only thing that's been getting me through is the promise that somewhere over the rainbow, there is a brighter future, and it's coming for me, and it will be here - be here! - if I just wait a little longer.
I know it's coming. That isn't the problem. Forgive me if I sound apathetic; I really do have a project starting. I just don't know when.
But I invite you - every one of you reading this blog - hang on. Tomorrow will certainly be brighter, no matter how bright today is. God and the universe is on our side, my friends.
Stick around. You never know what you'll find. :)
Sent from my iPhone
You always think you're done with it. And maybe sometimes you have that luxury. But more often than not, depression is just around the corner again.
I'm not going to lie and say that everything is always sun and rainbows for me. There are times when this blog gets rather dark. Bipolar, even. It doesn't mean I need medicated; I just think it means I'm human. As someone who is in charge of my books, in charge of my brand, it's hard for me to be human as well.
But human is what I must be. To refuse to do that is to accept that I am a doll. I would be better off back in Ohio, content and married and creating little books of happiness and joy only for myself to see. But no, I wanted more than that. And so, my wings took flight, and I landed on top of a dream that carried me far away. I didn't yet know then where that dream would lead, but I didn't care at the moment.
Now I care.
When you're twenty four years old and you're on your own, you shouldn't be spending your days degrading yourself. And yet, that's exactly what I had been doing. So I quit. I couldn't stay there, at my old job, no matter how you slice it. And that may make me illegal, a drifter, in between for right now. The only thing that's been getting me through is the promise that somewhere over the rainbow, there is a brighter future, and it's coming for me, and it will be here - be here! - if I just wait a little longer.
I know it's coming. That isn't the problem. Forgive me if I sound apathetic; I really do have a project starting. I just don't know when.
But I invite you - every one of you reading this blog - hang on. Tomorrow will certainly be brighter, no matter how bright today is. God and the universe is on our side, my friends.
Stick around. You never know what you'll find. :)
Sent from my iPhone
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Date: 2012-05-26 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-29 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-07 05:28 pm (UTC)