021011 -- Oh, gods, what time is it?
Feb. 10th, 2011 07:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
memorialrainbowI should be asleep.
But I'm not.
My sleep schedule keeps switching itself around. I keep wanting to stay up when I get back from work, and I don't fall asleep until, like, eight. This wouldn't be so problematic if I actually got stuff done during that hour and a half timeslot, but I never do. I just sit in my bed and wish for myself to go to sleep...and of course, it never happens until about eight. Hence why I'm up writing this. Although my eyes are BLAARGH right now, the rest of me is okay.
When I start trying to think of things to think about as I'm attempting to fall asleep at seven in the morning (which as stated before rarely works), I occasionally think of my own mortality. Probably not the best thing to be thinking of. I'm a pretty firm Christian (those of you who read my private blog know I have no reason to doubt my faith), but every once in a while I wonder if I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm wondering more now because I think, what will be here when I'm done with this life?
Putting all of the Christian/otherlife options aside, because I'm pretty sure I would get into the good places in all of those (nothing against people or beliefs; again, that's a private blog thing!), I've only really thought about two options. The first is incarnation, which my constant interactions with Japanese culture have brought about in my psyche. I suppose if I got reincarnated as another person, it would be okay. Although I hope to get it right on love the first time -- learned that one the wrong way this time around -- and if that were the case, I'd get a complete memory eraser, I'm sure. Fun stuff.
The other option is just being unconscious for all of eternity. Initially, that option freaked me the hell out. But then it made me realize that I was kind of okay with that option to. Not like it's ever going to happen. But if I was unconscious, then I wouldn't know any better. I wouldn't be disappointed. And it made me realize that I'll only have this one conscious go-around no matter how I look at it.
It reminded me of that poem by Dylan Thomas featured in Matched, a novel I just read. (Very Hunger Games-ish novel, but only lights a candle to the awesomeness that was The Hunger Games. Still a good short read, though, IMHO, if kind of Mary Sue-ish. I read it for research.) The quote I thought of was "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage against the dying of the light."
And I suddenly didn't want to sleep anymore.
But I'm not.
My sleep schedule keeps switching itself around. I keep wanting to stay up when I get back from work, and I don't fall asleep until, like, eight. This wouldn't be so problematic if I actually got stuff done during that hour and a half timeslot, but I never do. I just sit in my bed and wish for myself to go to sleep...and of course, it never happens until about eight. Hence why I'm up writing this. Although my eyes are BLAARGH right now, the rest of me is okay.
When I start trying to think of things to think about as I'm attempting to fall asleep at seven in the morning (which as stated before rarely works), I occasionally think of my own mortality. Probably not the best thing to be thinking of. I'm a pretty firm Christian (those of you who read my private blog know I have no reason to doubt my faith), but every once in a while I wonder if I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm wondering more now because I think, what will be here when I'm done with this life?
Putting all of the Christian/otherlife options aside, because I'm pretty sure I would get into the good places in all of those (nothing against people or beliefs; again, that's a private blog thing!), I've only really thought about two options. The first is incarnation, which my constant interactions with Japanese culture have brought about in my psyche. I suppose if I got reincarnated as another person, it would be okay. Although I hope to get it right on love the first time -- learned that one the wrong way this time around -- and if that were the case, I'd get a complete memory eraser, I'm sure. Fun stuff.
The other option is just being unconscious for all of eternity. Initially, that option freaked me the hell out. But then it made me realize that I was kind of okay with that option to. Not like it's ever going to happen. But if I was unconscious, then I wouldn't know any better. I wouldn't be disappointed. And it made me realize that I'll only have this one conscious go-around no matter how I look at it.
It reminded me of that poem by Dylan Thomas featured in Matched, a novel I just read. (Very Hunger Games-ish novel, but only lights a candle to the awesomeness that was The Hunger Games. Still a good short read, though, IMHO, if kind of Mary Sue-ish. I read it for research.) The quote I thought of was "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage against the dying of the light."
And I suddenly didn't want to sleep anymore.
